ON THE TOPIC OF PROBLEM CRAVINGS…
So, here goes —> I have been sitting on this article for a while now? I have been hesitant to post it because it is very long, and it is a lot to accept, for the people that need to hear it. I don’t expect any responses to this topic because it is so very personal, but my only hope is that enough of the right people will get to read this and reflect… It should at least be interesting, to anybody struggling with any kind of cravings. It doesn’t mean you have the problem, but it is worth thinking about and ruling on, one way or another… The thing about people with “the problem”, is that they have to think about it several (many) times before the can really start to accept that they do struggle with their cravings… It’s true, everybody get’s cravings! What’s the big deal? That is exactly how cunning it is!
This was a big topic for me. You are on my turf now, so to speak! I am sorry. It is stupid long! But it took that long to say my piece. I tried editing a lot of things out, and it fell short of the mark, so it is what it is…
How many of us have certain foods, certain food behaviours, that are wrecking our diets - a little bit, or a lot? Just looking at weight histories, I can see a number of long struggles, but that does not tell the whole story…
I am having one right now (a craving), not just for something sweet, but a kit kat chunky. It is my goto sugar fix. It is why I am writing to distract myself. I thought if I explored the topic, I might learn something and distract the craving at the same time? It is all I can do with a craving. They can be like a dog with a bone. They won’t let go of you until you give in, or defeat them… that’s a lot harder for some of us, than others! Personally, it is literally all I can do until it’s over. I don’t not even addressing my diet right now, my focus is on the next thirty days while I recover mental and chemical balance. Three weeks ago, I would easily consume over a 1,500 calories in an evening - every evening… Somehow, I never went over 220lbs, but I walked 12,000 to 15,000 steps everyday (up to eight miles). My ideal weight is now my ultimate goal - 170ish. I am 205 now.
Do you have to give some things up in entirety? For me, the answer is a resounding yes to these sweet and salty triggers. If you have food cravings that need to be controlled, you will have to learn the hard way, as to what to do, what not do, and/or how much you have to give up. Mark my words —> Denial is often the first, longest, & bloodiest of the battles in this war!
A little history: Addiction and ADHD can be synonymous with each other. It sure was with me! It is an Impulsivity Behavioural Disorder. That means we have trouble resisting certain temptations, and acting on risk-taking behaviours. I have been addicted to nearly everything. Nicotine, alcohol and several street drugs are the biggies. I have over come all of them and I am clean for 20 years. But, now I am thinking some foods are the next frontier for me.
Up until three weeks ago, at nighttime, I was hoovering chips, cheezies, kit kat chunky’s, diet cokes with caffeine. The caffeine I drank all day long and I understood why now. I was unwittingly self medicating my ADHD, but everything else was just, decades old unhealthy behaviour from someone that did not have the coping skills for self care. Now, with the ADHD meds started 10 weeks ago, all of that has changed. I am still the same person inside, but my tenacity for personal growth has taken a front seat to everything. I have never made so many positive changes in my life - not in any period of time, let alone 10 weeks. My therapist is gobsmacked and I sometimes get the feeling that I am all he can keep up with, but I know better than that because he has never let me down (I am a handful). I have my foot on the gas and my hand on the wheel…
So, along the way, I have learned a thing or two about addictions - and I am still learning… it has been twenty years since I have had to face the withdrawal process, but today, it feels like yesterday.
I know the word addiction rings harshly in relation to food for a lot of people. They are often the ones that should listen more carefully. Trust me! The behaviours are the same, and it can be just as difficult to quit a food as “most” anything else. Addictions are NOT relative to the users strength of character either, although, I would argue that a lot of it is, mind over matter when denial gets in the way of acceptance.
Before I even started, it wasn’t hard to figure out where the bulk of my calorie and nutrition problems were. My actual diet wasn’t “that bad”. Made up of all home cooking, it was damned good home cooking, there just weren’t any rules (cream, butter, cheese, fresh egg pasta, salt, eggs, more butter…), but the first and biggest problem laid in my late night snacking on chips, and cheezies, kit kat chunky’s, and cokes, etc… Until nearly 3 years ago now, I only slept 3 hours a night, so I needed more distractions than most people, and since ADHD is addiction prone, I fell into the junk food trap.
I decided to keep making my same meals, because I had nothing to gauge their nutrition value on, before FS. Three weeks ago, and a week before FS was even on my radar, I quit absolutely every bad eating behaviour and unhealthy food that I ever ate. I couldn’t see doing them one at a time. Repeating the process simply did not appeal to me. Someone else might do it differently? Right now, I am going through all of the withdrawals, the anxieties, the cravings, and probably for another couple weeks, I am the aftermath of that decision. I am empowered by my choice, so it is not like it was a bad idea. My life has not fallen into disarray which it would most certainly would have, had I done this before the ADHD meds.
When I made the choice, I suspected I might have an some sort of addiction, but, I didn’t really think about it “as” an addiction until I started watching my cunning behaviours. First, I thought it would be okay if I had them in the house — NOT… Still, I found myself buying a six pack of cheezies, and the next day, a six pack of chunky kit kat’s (for the pantry right!). That is actually when the cravings started because I tried “moderating”! The cheezies didn’t last a week, which is actually progress for me, and I was not really having a problem with the kit kat’s until tonight. But, every night around the time I would start thinking about snacking, just like clockwork, up come my cravings and they last until I go to bed at midnight. The good thing is that it is not affecting my sleep yet. I will admit, it is nothing like drug withdrawal, but it is all relative if you have never gone through withdrawal before. It will seem like your worst days ever. “Why won’t it let go of me” is the famous lament…
So, I am going to do what I have always had to do with addictions. White knuckle it, which for me, takes a tremendous amount of energy. It is one of the only things that will sap my endless stores of energy. Sucks the life right out of me and that makes me vulnerable. So, eating well is imperative! What bothers me the most, is the anxiety that accompanies the withdrawals… Right now, I am going downstairs and do dishes to distract me. I will probably have a handful of dried apricots to break the craving cycle, but it will be back, just like clockwork and it will work me harder and harder until I cave, or it does… you have to remember that it will - eventually! One second, one minute, one hour, one day at a time, and in that order. That’s what it takes from beginning to end of the withdrawal process. You are on easy street when you can do it one day at a time…
There is something interesting in all this, though! It seems to have come out of that “long” lecture on dopamine that StomachMonkey’s sent me. Cravings are actually a recognizable pattern for me now, instead of an indeterminate, and escalating irritation, which can be distracting to the point of caving. The lecture does not change anything other than my ability to anticipate what those dopamine highs and lows are doing.
It is interesting to realize what is happening when you abstain completely from a craved food (or drug). You are allowing your body to return all those confused chemical levels back to normal. That is the mind, healing the body, because it is the mind that controls those chemicals. So, how intense those dopamine highs and lows are for you, should tell you a lot about whether you have a problem. It is that long withdrawal process that takes so long for the cravings to diminish and eventually disappear. Those are your dopamine levels effectively normalizing.
So this is the deal. There is a spike in your dopamine when you think about something you desire which elevates that desire to a conscious thought - “how to get that chocolate”? Addiction or not, the more intense the desire, the higher the spike. Then, since you don’t have that object of your desire, the dopamine naturally falls into a trough just below your normal baseline dopamine level. This triggers an urge to want the object of your desire - a craving is born - addiction or not, you start plotting to get what you desire. The more intense the addiction, the higher the spike, the greater the fall below baseline, and thusly, the more intense the trigger. Now, the doctor didn’t really go into how long that second stage (trough) lasts, but, I can speak for the addict and that the craving is persistent and escalatory, for as long as you don’t give into it. Yes, there can be a limit, of an hour or two, but, you can’’t always depend on it, and it recurs, often within minutes, and if you are quitting, that cycle goes on for about two weeks or more, and that cycle seems worse every time it shows up. It actually is not worse - it stays the same - it is wearing you down.
Now, I am not expecting cold sweats and stomach cramps from a food addiction, but you can be sure there will be a lot of the same kind of emotional anxiety. Your sensitivity has a lot to do with how bad that anxiety becomes, and, that is the anatomy of a craving. That about covers dopamine too, and other than recognizing this pattern, which I do respect, it doesn’t make the problem go away. The craving persists despite my self awareness.
So, what’s wrong with having cravings? Everybody gets them. What’s the big deal? I will cut straight to the chase on that one. It is enough loss of control that you are not making good, common-sense choices for yourself, not to mention the people in your life that love you… the normal mind does not lose control of the foods they crave, especially not to their own health detriment. And this is where I have a problem with corporate marketing that weaponizes foods by their rating on a craving scale. Anybody can be triggered to crave salt and sugar, and they have psychologists and chemists working on the next best food bomb. Rhetorically: What exactly is wrong with that picture?
If you have a real problem, the craving lasts just long enough, that you have to give into it, or it aggravates your personality. It changes you without your recognizing it, because you are having a craving. It doesn’t turn you into a monster. It is the little things - impatience, moodiness, irritability, selfishness… that doesn’t seem like much, but over the short or long term, those behaviours become more animated. We eat more of those foods that are bad for us, and that changes us too, and in much more dramatic ways like obesity and bad self image, and, that often leads to some level of depression and anxiety… That’s the problem with cravings…
Nobody, including me, sees it happen to themselves. You just wake up one day with the problem. There is no guidebook, not even your best friend is likely to tell you have have a problem eating twinkies! Everybody has to figure this out for themselves and it is not obvious to the addicted mind because they are in denial.
One of my greatest mindsets that turn me against that which I crave, is that I am ten times more “offended” by the loss of control than I am by submitting to the craving. It is such a strong mindset that it has become one of my primary boundaries to sustaining sobriety. It doesn’t stop me from becoming addicted, but once I have discovered the possibility of an addiction, I just won’t have something that controls me, stay in my life. So, once I accept that I am compromised, it doesn’t matter what the problem was, caffiene, caffeinated diet cokes, cigarettes, cocaine, booze, pot, or food, I just won’t have it anymore. I couldn’t quit smokes until I quit booze because booze took all my inhibitions away. I couldn’t quit any caffeine products until just a week ago, and only because my ADHD meds are up to a high enough dosage that I don’t need the caffeine anymore. I was unwittingly self medicating my ADHD with huge doses of caffeine (all day long) and until my last med increase, I couldn’t stop, and trust me, I tried for decades! My alcoholism had the same all day behaviour as caffeine — small doses all day long. I was self-medicating my ADHD again. But, even “my” mindsets could not beat my dependency on caffeine. It is the nearest thing to the stimulant I am taking for ADHD.
The very first time I had to accept that I was out of control (alcohol), was an internalized war of denial for me. Even though my miserable life was staring back at me, I struggled in denial for six months literally railing against the possibility that I was out of control! DUH? But now, I have accepted it so many times that recovery is procedural for me. I know what to expect, and most importantly, I know how it’s going to end. I am to recovery, what StomachMonkey’s is to dieting! I am thinking that food is the last frontier of addiction for me, especially now that I am on the ADHD meds. But, I will remain cautious…
Some foods can be just as tenacious as drugs for some people. Those are the foods we have to abstain from for at least 30 days. The longer the better. The following is a moderate withdrawal pattern for anyone with the problem. The first few days to weeks can be white knuckling it. Not all the time, but it will happen at the most inopportune times. You NEED a distraction from the distraction. Exercise is excellent. Eating something healthy is also excellent, because the healthy food is more likely to make you feel good. Forget the calories for a month while you are recovering. Get your mind off of the craving, and when you can’t… use your shear determination to beat it back - one minute at a time, sometimes seconds. That’s when you have to be ready for the anxiety! You become time blind when you have a craving, thinking hours have passed when only minutes have. It will wear you down and you need to know that is what is happening. Fresh fruit salad is the best thing in the world for a feel good food for me. Don’t be afraid to pig out on something. Just don’t choose a junk food. What is your healthy feel good food? Buy lots of it, you are going to need it! After days to weeks, gradually the cravings are less intense and less often, until after 30 to 45 days they are all “but” forgotten. You certainly should feel released, but cautious. Nobody, does not have to go through some discomfort, but for many of us, it feels worse than it really is - and that’s the power of the craving…
When, and if you decide to take the chance and reintroduce that, or those foods back into your diet in moderation, then you must be vigilant. I say “take the chance”, because you have just gone through 30 to 45 days or longer of certain discomfort, breaking yourself of the habit and rebalancing the dopamine in your system (no small task). That dopamine balance is very fragile. It seems to return in a near instant, if the problem persists. The cravings are back before you know it. If those foods get the better of you again, do you really want to go through that, all over again. Statistically, the easier, or the more difficult withdrawal was, the greater the likelihood of relapse. Somewhere in between seems to be the sweet spot. An unhealthy eating behaviour is an inherent behaviour for many. It wants to repeat that behaviour and it is very cunning to make you think otherwise. The usual line we tell ourselves is “not me”… famous last words…
Now, I don’t mean to blow this out of proportion for all of you, but if food cravings are a problem, you should be taking them at least that seriously until you figure this out. So, if after all this, you are one of those people who don’t think they will have a problem introducing the food(s) back into their diet, then by all means do so, but be objective. I totally encourage people to explore their cravings and if they choose to, they should introduce the food back into their diet in moderation. You will learn in time, some faster than others, whether you are in control of that craving or not. Only denial will get in your way of accepting the facts. If you see the same old eating patterns and cravings returning, my only advice is stop immediately, recover from that as soon as possible or you will have to go through the whole withdrawal process, all over again. Even still, it is no small setback. It will take a week or longer to get back to where you were.
I know those Hawkin’s Cheezies are off my list emotionally. They are a suicide pact at every level. I haven’t touched them for a week, and I won’t buy them again! There should be a law against foods that are that irresponsible. They are a craving problem for me like the chocolate! The caffeine is gone just like that. No withdrawals to make mention of. The cokes I quit outright and replaced them with water and I don’t miss them in the least. The chocolate and cheezies are different though - it’s a real problem. Thank you nutrition sheet, and those properties that we have to explore in Fat Secret are best deterrent going for eating behaviours. You don’t even have to look for the problems. If you click on, say sodium, fats, and sugars, you will find all you need to know in that time period’s list of consumed foods. They encourage healthy behaviours and discourage unhealthy one’s. It is going to take time to make all the adjustments.
The most difficult thing an addict learns, is that they can’t trust their own thoughts when it comes to their own addiction. They will con themselves back into it. That is why the only safe course of action for any real addiction is abstaining from it altogether. We tell ourselves otherwise, but how many times have we already said that to ourselves only to be disappointed? That means we need a convincing reason to commit to such a drastic course of action. Everyone finds that reason on their own, but one could start with, how it leaves their life out of control. But not everybody can accept that, so if your physical/mental health is not reason enough, try your family’s peace of mind and their health? Whatever you do though, you have to do it FOR yourself and doing something for your family is doing something for you if your mind is in the right place. An addiction will find any crevice to pry itself into, and once back home, it is just as hard to get rid of, if not harder the next time…
If you take your own recovery this seriously, I will almost guarantee that you will succeed in this horse race. But if you use the “not me” excuse, or any of the hundreds other excuses, you will struggle to the point of not trying hard enough. There are no acceptable excuses in this race. My horse in this race is named Compassion (and nobody names a racehorse Compassion), but it is caring for Robert that is going to make ALL of the difference in this story… when I stop being my own best friend, I am in trouble! DV
