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Yesterday was kinda a hard day. Well it was a hard day because the day before we all went to Harrah's and had a good time. And part of the that good time was a philly steak sandwich and cheddar bacon fries. Yeah. Not my finest moment. But Michael got boneless wings and a double decker brownie. CC got a double decker brownie. Cassie got sloppy joes and an ultimate salad (which once I looked at it...I don't think that you could really call it a salad!) And Darrel (my brother in law) got a quadrouple cheeseburger and a hotdog and fries and a brownie and a cheesecake. So yesterday was spent telling myself no you don't need this. And since I really suck at saying no...I promised myself a treat of a cashew turtle if I did good. I ate it while I had a bath and read a new book. It was the best hour of my week!
My sister Abbie was in the hospital. She had to have a hysterectamy (sorry for the horrible spelling but you guys know how bad I am at that!). She's what I call a bity. She's about my height but she had graves diease when she was 13 and therefore doesn't have a thyroid and is skinny as hell. Even after 2 kids. Anyway they found some cysts that kept reappearing on her "lady parts" (for those of you who are delicate). She was at the hospital for 3 days because she had some complications. She's at home now thank god. But she's kinda why we went out. I was really worried about her. My family doesn't do well when they put us to sleep for operations. And she was having issues staying awake..then she faints the next day and.........it was just alot of stress and aniexity. So they took me to Harrah's to try and relax and of course I over ate.
My biggest fear though, is that I turn into Darrel. He's my husband's twin's partner a.k.a. my brother in law. I know MO doesn't recognize same sex unions...but personally I think that's stupid. I really hope that I don't offend anyone when I say that gay and lesbian people deserve the right to be recognized as a couple by the government just like straight people. ANYWAYS now that I'm off my soap box... Darrel is about 6'4 and probably weighs over 650 pounds. He can't even walk with his feet straight..they stick out kinda like a penguin. He never gets up for anything, Dylan (Michael's twin) has to do it all. Laundry, cooking, cleaning, working two jobs, driving, errends, everything. An I did really like Darrel until I saw how he treated Dylan like a slave. And to my eyes at least, it's because of his size. All he does is sleep, eat, or play on the internet. I'm scared first off that I'll get that big and not care the way he seems to. Second off that I will turn into that because of my size...I'll treat Michael like a second class citizen. I don't want that to happen. If we ever have kids I wanna teach them to be active, and for that to happen I gotta be active which means this weight has to go! This has become a very rambling post...so I believe that it might be time to go! But, I do feel better, so apparently I needed to get it off my chest.
Diet Calendar Entries for 24 June 2011:
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1210 kcal
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Fat: 48.95g | Prot: 54.15g | Carb: 137.43g.
Breakfast: 10" CHEESE PIZZA. Lunch: low fat cottage cheese. Dinner: Cashew Turtles, bacon bits, sweet potatoes, broccoli, cheddar cheese, mayo, hamburger on bun. Snacks/Other: fat free hazelnut creamer. more...
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4125 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 50 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 10 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
Bekka, I just started dating again after a long time. My BF is 330+ lbs. I worry for his weight also, he is also a stress eater. I am working with him on his weight. The person inside is who I care about. I know we can work with the rest:) Eating healthy is a serious life style change. It isn't an overnight fix, it is a life time change. It is more than just counting calories. (which you have done well and lost weight doing) It is making changes to your thinking and the choices that you make. Think about all the food you listed that everyone else ate when you went out. Goodness, no wonder you do not make healthy choices in the crowd there. Sometimes we have to just decide to be different and stand on our own two feet. You see yourself in Darrel? Well wake up call you see it thank goodness. I do not see you becoming the person who treats others badly becasue you are a wonderful soul, but I think that the weight gain can become a reality if you do not make the decision to stand alone on your two feet and make a healthy change. I really want to see you succeed my dear. You have lost 33 lbs. You are doing so good, but by sabataging your diet every other day it will not make you lose weight. How long do you think Darrel is going to be around to be a partner to your brother in law at his weight? Goodness knows the stress on his heart. I want to see you around for your family. That motivated me to make a change in my weight. I want to be around a long time to harass the hell out of my grand kids one day. I am not good, I gain weight lose it and obsess just like many of us on FS. You are seeing what could be if you do not control your eating instead of letting it control you. You see Darrel, and do not want to be that. I applaud you. Now not becoming that is harder. Be healthy, You can unfriend me if you want to, but I just want to say this as a wake up call for you. You see it in Darrel, how long before it is not just you, but your hubby or friends that end up unable to walk or do anything but sleep, eat, and play video games? We all make our choices. You are making a good one to be healthy, do not give in every other day and make excuses. You have it in you to lose, you have to break away from the influences around you and dare to be different to release the beautiful healthy girl you are. Hugs. Melissa
24 Jun 11 by member: windrider
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PS nice new picture is that Hubby?
24 Jun 11 by member: windrider
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@ Melissa. Why would I unfriend you? silly girl. You're being honest and I do need that in my life! That's why I'm tryinig not to sabatoge myself. I'm trying to allow myself little treats every other day or so that still fall in my catagory of tryng to be healthy so that I DON'T jump off the deep end. It's just hard to do when everyone around you is able to eat whatever whenever ya know? And it also doesn't help when they are saying how GOOD it is and waving it around and teasing you about it till you give in. I've never been good with peer pressure! lol.
And yeah..that's my hubby Michael. He was amazed that the computer could take picture and not just video...hence the goofy smile!
24 Jun 11 by member: BekkaL85
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I totally understand lady. I look at food and gain weight. I have had an injured foot for a couple of months and can"t work out well. I have lost motivation to exercise. I can still walk some, but even that hurts. You do what you can when you can. I see your inner struggle in your journals. I just wanted to say the hell with them for you, when you say they lord the food over you. Nice smile. You two make a cute couple. I have to go to class now. You be strong and I still say to hell with all but hubby, and then don"t cave for him either. Men can eat alot more calories then we can:) Have a great weekend Bekka.
24 Jun 11 by member: windrider
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