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HORRIBLE DAY! Breakfast was fine, Kashi cereal with 2% milk (I prefer skim, but my M.I.L. never buys it, and I don't drink enough milk to buy a seperate carton) and white tea with 2 tsp. of evaporated cane juice...an approximately 300 calorie meal if I'm not mistaken. Then it went south. Mid-morning snack was at least 2 servings of Peanut Butter M&Ms, the very ones I promised myself I WOULDN'T buy yesterday but did anyways, on the way home from the gym (how ridiculous is that?!?!). And for lunch...I don't even want to say it...McDonalds. Ten piece chicken nugget meal with fries and diet coke to be exact. As if the diet coke even makes a freaking ounce of difference. I am going through a serious backslide lately. I was 3 pounds away from my goal weight a couple of months ago, and then something happened. I don't know whether I just started to feel like I was so close I could ease up without consequences, or whether I subconsciously sabotaged myself. Now that I've written that, I feel it may be what happened. For whatever reason, I started to feel like I was being smothered by the rules and restrictons and so I kind of stopped actively trying to eat the right things (and more importantly, not eat the wrong things). Now I'm trying to get back to a healthy, balanced diet, but I don't seem to have the tiniest bit of willpower. I heard someone on a show about food addiction say 'Every morning I wake up on a diet, and every night I am a failure.' My sentiments exactly. I'm not really sure how to regain the motivation that I had then, since the things I was doing (writing down inspirational statements in a journal, looking at photos of myself when I was at a 'better' weight, setting up a reward system for good behaviours and milestones) don't seem to work anymore! Also, when I got down to 143, I started to feel like 140 may not be my real goal weight. Every time someone asked me what I would like to weigh, I would say 'Right now, I'm shooting for about 140' and in the back of my head I always thought 'Once I hit that, I'll try to lose even more, maybe try for 130 or 125'. So, in an attempt to be more honest with what I really want from by body, and also an attempt to motivate myself, I updated my goal weight to 130. I thought for sure it would light a fire under my ass and make me think 'I've still got a long way to go, I can't slack off now!' But all it seems to have done is killed my confidence and made me feel like I'm not capable of achieving my goals. I think I cheated myself out of a possible victory, and should change my goal back to 140. And WHEN I get to 140, if I feel that's not enough, there is nothing wrong with setting a new goal!
By the way, if anyone out there is reading this I would LOVE some feedback, a big reason for me writing these journal entries online is so I can get support or advice or just some good old-fashioned commiserating!
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