kickingcarbs's Journal, 09 September 2021

So I have court for my custody hearing on the 20th. I was trying to eat right but to be honest I’m so stressed and trying to keep it together I am not even paying attention. But today I realized I’m binge eating sweets again to deal with my anxiety. It’s something I have always done when I’m nervous. Something about the sugar is a distraction and almost just ugh! It’s comforting and distracting and self sabotage. So disappointed in myself cause I realize I’ve been doing this for a week now.

I feel like my addiction to sugar truly is that. It’s an addiction. When I have a life stressed what do I do? I go back to my old ways and I consume consume consume and get that sugar high fix just like any addict would with their poison of choice. But at the same time I know that I have an excuse. But that’s what it is. It’s an excuse. “Oh after court I’ll get back on track.” “There is just too much going on for me to focus on my body.”

The fact is if I truly want to own my issues I need to do just that. Maybe having my body and my weight to focus on during stressful situations is the thing I DO need to focus on so I can have less anxiety. Cause all this is is anxiety over the feeing of lack of control. Well what can I have control over? My body! My diet! My weight! I mean come on self this should be common sense by now 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️