BekkaL85's Journal, 04 February 2011

Honey, Michael is gonna be how he is no matter what you do, & he's not how he is because of you. You can't change it. All you have control of is YOU & how you choose to react to it. You can either accept it & justify it to yourself as being ok, but it seems like you know in your heart that it's NOT ok for him to dismiss you in public. The only reason he things it's ok is because you've allowed him to. When you decide that it's not ok with you, you'll do what you have to do. Until then, we are all here to love you until you can love yourself enough to put your foot down. <3 ((((hugs)))) 

I agree with Katie too. My husband adores big boobies(I am not blessed that way) : ) but I know he chose me and loves me so I can accept it and even laugh about it. He is not a touchy feely guy and at first did not even say I love you. It has taken time for him to get comfortable saying I love you but now he does it all the time. He is also not a hand holder and so the same thing goes. If I want to hold hands I hold his hand. When guys are not into pda then we women have to help them along. : ) Plus communicate with him and tell him the things you would like to have from him. He might not even know that you need pda. ( public display of affection) Love and hugs to you friend, Terri 

The mouthy teenagers used to bug me too... but I have a couple of ways that I deal with them. Firstly, if I hear something, I assume they must be talking about someone else, because, hell, I'm BEAUTIFUL (regardless of my weight). And then I have days where I am more annoyed, I find if I notice people looking, I just look straight back at them. I find when I can look at them it makes them recognize how stupid they are being and allows me to recognize that it is their problem not mine. For your husband, I agree with Terry, he might not know it's important to you, or that you see the lack of hand holding as him disrespecting you. Guys tend to be oblivious... he could be thinking he'll not hold you hand so you have freedom to go into a store if you want or stop to look at something without having to drag him around. But Katie is right, you have to decide what you need to be happy, and adjust the relationship to meet your needs. We're here for you... it's not easy... Brandy 

Bekka, If you have not been married long, it is easy to misscommunicate or to not understand each other. Talk to him. If you don't communicate it will hurt your relationship because you keep letting resentment build up. I agree with Katie. Men can be oblivious. Direct confrontation sometimes leads to fights. You might start out with you know I really admire when so and so hold hands in public. It really shows how much "love" (affection/insert your own word) or that they care for each other. You can say I really like it when you....Or you can ask how he feels loved. I agree with Terri, he may not realize you need and crave PDA if he shows or thinks of love differently. My old Boyfriend wouldn't kiss me on the lips in public or otherwise, wouldn't hold my hand. It was just the way he was brought up. His idea of showing love was to do things for me, or buy gifts. Way different than me who likes to touch. We all speak a different love language. I found a great book on a friend's recommendation. The 5 love languages, the Secret to Love that Lasts. By Gary Chapman. He is a counselor and I wish I had found the book years ago. I might still be married. It explains alot of how people are by the type of love language they speak. Your husband may say I love you by giving you things, not by being physical. There is a test in the back that tells you what kind of personality you are and he can take one as well. The book gives suggestions oon how to talk and communcate to each other. I asked my chaplain about the book and he highly recommended it and asked if I got it off his chapel shelf:) Apparently his shelfs were already cleaned off by others who wanted it for free. lol. I am not sure if you have a good talking relationship. If so, just don't let it stew. Resentment can breed contempt and drive a wedge in your relationship. I used to make a joke or two when I caught my hubby's eyes roaming. It is natural. Some girls and guys just wear tight or provocative clothes because it is their style. I have admired a girl or 2 before not because I like girls, but by how cool the long legs/high boots/ outfits/hair look wondering if I can wear or style like that. You might ask hubby if some of the girls oufits are something he would like to see you in when you lose a little weight. Or if he likes that color for you to wear. That could remind him you are staking your claim to his love. Now for the eating in front of you, That sounds juvinile if they were eatiing in front of you and laughing. I would recommend if you are going to go out, to have a light meal low cal or snack of veggies before you leave. That way if they do plan or don't plan in stopping somewhere you have already had something to tide you over and won't be so hungry. You can really smile and say no thank you and not fall to temptation or be grumpy for being hungry. Also if they are your friends, you can say no thank you and remind them that you are eating healthy. It doesn't have to be because you are on a diet if you don't want to say that. Chips/Hot Dogs/Taquitos. Wow sodium/cholesteral greese golor. Not good for the old ticker/veins/heart., Ect. Let alone complexion, acne.....Maybe some small subtile hints will change their thoughts about being healthy and not link it to weight loss if that is a sore point. Convenience stores do have diet drinks/ and many times fruits/and yogurts in the fridgerated section/granola bars in the aisles. These items are sometimes hidden and cost more, but the best thing is to just ask the clerk. They are usually really great if not to busy. I have had them close the register and walk me over or tell me where they are because many times they help stock too and know where things are. You can blame heart burn/reflux/ sensative stomache ect if you feel concious. I can't eat grease much anymore. I really do get grosed out by the smell. I can get Od'd on really sickly sweet smells. You just have to look. Most people don't think about looking as most convenience stores because they are in a hurry. Unfortunaely fast which is usually greesy. You be strong and work together with hubby on your relationship. Brandy is right, you can adjust the relationship to meet both your needs. Third, ignore the teeens and everyone else around you in the mall as best as you can and enjoy yourself. They have no lives and in the long scheme ot things, later in the day don't mean anything. It is all about you and your life. It is so hard when we get self concious. We all think that we are being looked at when we are not. A girl is out walking at a store and someone is staring at her and seems to be following her. The girl gets scared, anxious, and mad. Then the person walks up to her and says you know I really like the outfit (hair/necklace/shoes/ect) you are wearing. I have been trying to place where I saw it before. Did you get it here and if not where? I'd like to find that color. The above story has happened a time or two with me. I have one of those normal faces. Complete strangers will come up to me and start taking like they know me. Then when I look startled, they are embarrased to realize I am not the aquaintance they know from church/school/store. We have a laugh and move on. I have gotten used to saying. No its ok, we all have a twin out there:) We think people are staring, and sometimes they are in their own world spaced. To sum up my story. Don't be self concious, you are beautiful. You never know what people are thinking and who cares what they think or care any way. In the end you go gome with yourself or hubby and you are the ones to be happy for each other. Melissa