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He called me again.We spoke around 2 hours.He was saying,he will start his new life in 6monthes.(I think he took 6monthes time from his ex to decide.)Till then I still have a chance.If anything moves in his heart towards me in this 6monthes,he will be back to me.If not,I should let him go and live his life with her.I don't know whether I should take it as bad or good.Atleast I have sometime to prove myself...And since he is calling several times everyday,I think he still cares for me.He was saying,if I want to be his woman,I have to try silently.Cause when I whine about things,he gets annoyed and it provokes hatred.His ex is visiting his town with some of their common friends and he sends her here and there so that he can speak to me...I think he still loves me and this lady is persuing him..Please pray that things get better for us very soon.I somehow feel we will be together very soon.And I keep thanking God for everything...I hope we will be back together very soon and then get married before summer and in summer go to Europe...I have lots of dreams.Please pray for me please please.I really love him and want to be with him so much.Please pray that we get back together long before june...I'm scared of June.But I truly believe he will be mine before that dreaded date.And about weight loss.This morning scales showed 150 pounds.No wonder I'm losing,cause all I eat in 24hrs for last few days is 2eggs at 6.30 am...I don't even get hungry.If you read my journal,please pray for me so that I can win back my man's heart,I really want him for life.
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 Comments
Sounds like he wants both of you. Please eat as that is not doing you
any good.
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Anita, I am praying for God to lift you up and bring you peace, and for His will to be done....but I have to say that if you keep not eating, you will be in no shape to be with your boyfriend if he decides to come back to you! You are going to get ill, and in turn your booyfriend will be even more upset with you for not taking care of yourself. Please eat, Anita!
13 Dec 10 by member: ctlss
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Honey, I can't say I know what you are going through, because I don't. I am sorry you are hurting and are unsure of where things stand between you and him. However, what I don't understand is why you are leaving you life up for a man to decide. Do you now have enough pride in deciding what you do or do not want in your life? You are a strong beautiful woman. You chose for you. Never let a man tell you he cannot decide who he loves. If its not you to begin with. Dont settle. And never let anyone settle for you. If its not you to begin with.
13 Dec 10 by member: kmartin
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Lotus, I hate to say this, but 22 years ago, I WAS the X. I don't know if he's married to her or not. If he is, you should not be waiting for ANYTHING and get on with your life. If he needs six months to decide, he isn't the one for you. Please, I will pray for you, but it will be a prayer to find a safe place for you with YOU making the decisions and not living in this kind of pain. You can get past it, though it may not seem like it now, and your life will be so much more full if you just move on and tell him, "Hell no! I won't wait." He is one of those people who wants his cake and to eat it too. If you were really the one, there would BE no decision. He's just riding the fence to see which way is going to make HIM the happiest and most comfortable, not you. Take care of yourself and take the time to find the right person for you, who puts you first and foremost.
13 Dec 10 by member: Johanne
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"My man called me and was saying if I wont stop my emotional whining he will cut me out all together,he is available to me as a friend and business partner only...He said,its his last warning and if I don't listen he will vanish and I will end up calling dead numbers." Lotus, what would you say to me if I told you someone said this to me? This is not someone I would want on top of my mountain because these words are not very loving in my opinion. A man and a baby will not make you whole. Please read the book I suggested and love yourself enough not to accept hurtful words and actions, please, please think about this and feel peace and love within without a man. Eating only two eggs is not very loving my friend, you are worth more then the moon, the stars. With Love, Lisa
13 Dec 10 by member: Lisa Online
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I didn't make this clear in my last post. After 3 years of keeping me on the fence, and me patiently waiting (I might add, in the same kind of pain you're in . . . 70 lbs. loss worth of pain), my husband left me for the other woman. She got her way and was happy. My children and I were devastated. But, guess what. He's not with her anymore either. What goes around comes around. Don't do this to yourself. I am saying prayers for your wholeness, wisdom and the strength to move on. I CAN relate, big time, and I am so much happier now, out of it, though you couldn't have told me that at the time. I have a rich, full life and it's my own. That's my wish for you.
13 Dec 10 by member: Johanne
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Anita....the other day he told you he was engaged and not available. Today he says he starts his new life in 6 months but "might" be back to you in that time frame? If you behave the way he wants you to? I'm so very sorry Anita, but this man is playing with your emotions and is not worthy of you. No worthy life partner should "punish" you for your behavior or try to "test" your commitment to him. Daily life with this man (actual life, not phone calls and emails) would be a disaster for you, constantly feeling as if you have to behave in a certain way in order to somehow merit his love and attention. That is no way to live and you certainly would not want to model such behavior for any children you might have. Many women fall for the wrong man. It feels real, it feels like nothing else matters but this relationship. But sometimes we cannot see what is right in front of us when we are do deeply in love. Listen to your friends who know you and know your situation. If they say "RUN!" from this man, then please give very serious thought to their opinions, as they only have your best interests at heart. I will continue to pray for you to find peace as you go through this situation. You have so much going for you and you have a very bright future ahead. You are already a role model for young women in your country as you continue in a mostly male-dominated profession. That takes a huge amount of inner strength and determination. Do not let ANY man take that strength away from you and treat you like a misbehaving child.
13 Dec 10 by member: Sandy701
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anita i have to agree with sandy, after 15 years of marriage to a man i loved very much but he did not love me. i spent all my time trying to be the best i could for him and all i could think of was a way to make him happy and make him love me. now after being thrown away and i feel my life was waisted. don't waist your time on a man who does not love you but is willing to use you IF you can show him you have enough attributes to deem you worthy of being used. if am man can think of another he does not and will never love you and is not worth your tears. even though it hurts and you will cry a river of tears it is far better than waisting the best years of your life. now i sit here after waisting my life and wonder would i have had a chance at love if i had not grabed the first man to turn my head? loving some one is not enough they must love you in return or you will spend the rest of your life in fear waiting for that one woman to come along that he feels is better than you then he will dump you in a hot minute and off he will go smiling to the next girl think closely about your future where will you be in 15 years when your youth and looks are gone will you be sitting alone like me? or will you have choosen wisely and be with a man that will be a true partner and love you,all of you!
13 Dec 10 by member: restlesshope
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Amen to all the above advise. Please listen. You are worth more than this man wants to offer you. You are a much better person than he is. You want a lifetime committment, not just to have someone play around with your heart. I will pray that the right things will happen for you my friend. You sure don't want to bring a child into this. You are just setting yourself up for heart ache and to be raising a child alone. He's not the one for you. He sure isn't thinking about your feelings. He is thinking of the best way for him. Be strong Anita, for yourself.:)
13 Dec 10 by member: LauPug1
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Sometimes one of the partners expects to be the 'god' in the relationship. If that ever happens it's time to throw in the towel and start life with someone else. Tell him you will also decide in six months but need to date others too. Anita - don't cry so much about this, it is not worth it. Be strong and in six months you may feel different - in nine months maybe too. Don't run off and have a baby and be stuck possibly raising it alone. You are a smart woman use some common sense here. You are equal to him not his doormat...
13 Dec 10 by member: GlennM
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I don't know enough about what is going on to give an educated opinion. Follow your heart Lotus!
13 Dec 10 by member: information
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Oh Lotus, I thought about you often yesterday and what you were going through. I will continue to pray for you, your well being and for inner peace for you. I know by your writting, that you seem to be willing to sacrifice yourself, for this man. I pray that you can see that he is not good for you, that he is toxic for you. The things he says, are hurtful, demeaning, and it seems like he may be enjoying stringing you along, some perverse joy out of your pain. Please forgive me, as I am sure this is not what you wanted to hear...my thoughts and prayers are only for your well being...It saddens my heart to see someone, so beautiful, with so much obvious and unconditional love feel beholden to someone who does not appear worthy of such wonderful gifts...I will pray that you find peace. Lotus, please focus on you. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
13 Dec 10 by member: Raven46
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Lotus, I just stopped by your journal and red everyone's posts. We all care for you and don't want to see you hurting so badly. Please eat. You are a beautiful professional woman. You deserve better. Learn to be happy by yourself and than God will send the right man to you. One that will love and respect you for who you are, not one that will expect you never to complain and come at his beckon call. I am praying for you dear sister. Love yourself enough to see what is going on, please.
15 Dec 10 by member: Cindy Thompson
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