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Today is the final day of the crap eating. Yes, I succumbed to the gloriously delicious Frito. And I would like to be able to say that it didn't taste good at all, and that I really wished I had been eating carrots or celery or something virtuous like that, but I would be lying. A big, fat, gigormous lie, because those greasy little corny strips tasted so good. I mean good. Real good. It's this whole transition into fall--I really believe that and whoever pointed it out (Cobra?) was right. Fall is my favorite time of year--I love the color change, the temperature change, the clothing change (good-bye short shorts, hello bulky sweaters!), and the coming holidays with all their family time and cheer. This is the first time in my 33 years that I will not be with my family for the autumn season, and with my mother, who was the creator of all that fall joy, not speaking to me I feel a little lost, so I find myself turning to all of the things about her that bring me a little closer to the relationship I had with her. Unfortunately, being a very smell/taste oriented person that means food--and she made a mean Frito taco salad that was one of my favorite meals as a kid. I made it for dinner tonight with some Fritos that the Frito-Lay guy at work gave me. It was delicious, though of course it didn't taste like Mom's. We didn't finish the whole bag, so I dumped the rest of them in the trash to avoid temptation. I guess with the toothache this week, the change of season, the approaching holiday season, and uncertainties surrounding our visit home in December, I have been battling a mild depression that is manifesting itself in lots of areas of my life. Tomorrow, Sunday, is the day I plan on (no, not plan, I AM) putting my big girl panties on and getting over it. I need to remember that this IS my favorite time of year, and by being morose I am squandering the opportunity to enjoy it. I am an adult, who has made adult decisions that feel right for me, regardless of what my mother thinks, and I need to take this time of newness in a new place to decide what the first autumn of my independence is going to look like. One thing I know--it is not going to look like Frito Taco Salad, 'cause it's wreaking havoc on my tummy--I think it'll be turkey breast fillets and acorn squash tomorrow!
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