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We must each take care of and be responsible for our own feelings. Maybe that's not earth shattering news to anyone else... but it is to me! I was speaking yesterday to my health coach friend about the recent situations with my DH, and how I was finally speaking up & taking care of what I need and want. But, how afterwards, I was feeling guilty that I had disappointed and/or angered him by not wanting to do what he wanted. And even though my initial thoughts were that "he was making me feel guilty" about what I wanted, I knew that I am responsible for my feelings. Well, the earth shattering news to me is that he is also responsible for his feelings. So, if me not wanting to go to all the social events that he wants to go to disappoints or angers him, then he is responsible for that. Just as he can't control how I feel, I can't control how he feels. Being the consummate caretaker, I have been always felt responsible for everyone's feelings, making everyone happy, etc. Again, this may not be eye opening to anyone else, but it certainly was to me.
So, as I absorb what this means for me and my healthy eating & living journey, I'll begin in prayer --
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
And through this one day and each one meal, moment, bite & emotion, I'll pray, breathe, journal & express my way taking care of and being responsible for only my feelings throughout. And, I'll remember all the blessings in my world and be grateful. xoxox
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 Comments
Realizing that my eating and my weight - were so intimately connected to my daily life - was a big revelation to me. Coming to grips w/ that in regards to my own responsibilities when it comes to what I eat. How much. How often. Etc. These choices are mine. They've always been mine. And knowing that I often avoid the pain of whatever 'stress' is going on in my life - by pushing it aside - desperately trying not to think about it... I generally think 'oh, I'll go make myself ... fill in the blank.' Am I always hungry? Heck no. Do I generally eat it w/out really thinking about the choices I am making? Sure do! I am praying through my own rollercoaster. I am genuinely happy for you...and sad...at the same time. I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult period in your marriage - but I have faith you are strong enough to find the answers to what will truly be right for you. And while you're doing that, pls know how deeply you are cared about here!!! Any time you want to talk...I am here for you. Much Love.
27 Jun 13 by member: jsfantome
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Morning Ruth, yes small revelations can make huge changes can't they? I know you have felt guilty over this whole summer get-together thing and how your hubby has reacted to it but you are very right when you say his feelings are his to deal with. I think some people feel guilty about everything - I am one of this, like you I want everybody else to be happy but I am so glad you are gradually realizing that you need to make you happy too. That sounds so easy but it definitely isn't. If someone else is unhappy through a choice I made (to make myself happy), it takes some of the pleasure away. Sigh. Life can be so complicated, or is it just that we humans make it so :) As always I appreciate your wisdom and I appreciate your support. And as always am here to support you too. You are doing a great job and I am sure you will get through this next 'event' with ease. Perhaps you and hubby need to talk (even if by email - lol) about this latest revelation you have had - ie telling him you realize he is a little put out by things but that his feelings are his business and that he has to deal with them but you acknowledge what he is feeling. Does that make sense? You will figure it out, 'cause you are a smart cookie :)
27 Jun 13 by member: sarahsmum
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Hi! Thanks for the buddy request. I can't comment too much as I have only read this journal. Sounds like you are working on some good stuff...some important stuff and making some good realizations for yourself. Starting your journey out with God and prayer is wonderful. Have a great day and looking forward to getting to know you!
27 Jun 13 by member: chattycathy1955
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That is a good feeling when you finally realize your not responsable for other people's thoughts..Some times you just have to deal with your own self...we can't make every one happy..there is no way with out being in the stress mode all the time..So good for you..Hang in there...:O)
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How long have you been married and you are just figuring this out? I can ask because I am in the same boat - LOL.
27 Jun 13 by member: BuffyBear
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Hi Ruth, I'm at work and bored silly - quiet day here. Its also dull and cold, so I made myself a hot tea. I want to eat something but I am hanging tough until dinner time, I want to drop a bit more weight so doing low cal today and maybe tomorrow. So hot tea it is for now. I'm not desperately hungry, just bored :)
27 Jun 13 by member: sarahsmum
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It can be such a tough balancing act, yes? In the same way that we are so much kinder or give a such wide berth to actual strangers but the manners are 'shorthanded' for family. THEN, esp with spouses, I think a situation occurs after time where we CHANGE - it's inevitable as there is no way we are going to feel and act the same about things as we did 5, 10, 15 years ago ... and it does get hard to say 'sure, hon, I know I've filled the role of your wife and your hostess with the moistest for twenty years but I'm older now and I'm tired and I just don't want to do it anymore. It's weary to me and this is my life and this is how *I* want to spend the holiday, the reunion, etc., so that at the end of it I look back with fond memories not frustrated exhaustion.' And it's not easy because he's likely changed on a lot of things too but likely those are other things that don't infringe on your time or energy or likewise. things you have grown used to expecting from him. And probably when he's said 'uh, no.. I don't want to do 'that' or go 'there' you've accepted it but now that you're pushing back with your own needs it surprises the heck out of him... sorry for the ramble.. you know I mean well.
27 Jun 13 by member: FullaBella
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You guys are my heroes -- I mean heroines! Unmarried, I can only learn from you.
27 Jun 13 by member: Helewis
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You all are my heroes too! And got me thinking more as well. DH & I will be married 25 years this coming Oct. So, why the change now? Once again, I blame it on aging & menopause (my catch-all!)... but in a good way. The older I get, the more I know what I want & don't want, know I need to speak up for me and am comfortable doing so. But I do have to wonder if DH asks himself what happened to that easy going, never questioning, a;ways ready to party and entertain midwestern girl that he married?!? He's extremely busy at work right now, but I'm hoping we can get out to dinner, just the 2 of us, Sat night as I'd like to talk to him more about my need for time to myself and for the two of us, rather than so much socializing. I want to hear how this makes him feel, acknowledge his feelings but not take responsibility for them. I'll let you know how it goes, and can't thank you enough for all your amazing support & care! You all are so truly wonderful! xoxox
27 Jun 13 by member: Ruhu
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Good for you - and here's a little more unsolicited advice .. be prepared with an answer. It's hard for some people to accept that change is part of life and they feel cheated or tricked. So if he does say 'but I married the Midwest gal who did (these great things for me) think back to some of the things you didn't do so well back then (I'm sure there's at least one) and remind him of those as in 'yes, I did do this and this but I also did that badly and look how I improved on that with time as well... it's all part of the life process..' Not that I've had to have this conversation or anything similar... hahahahah
27 Jun 13 by member: FullaBella
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Good news that you have realised this. I think this is a predominately 'female' issue. We are used to being the homemakers and looking after everyones sustenance, comfort and emotional needs. Because of the ''caring' roll we take on, we forget that we are important too... And sometimes need to put our interests to the fore. It takes a long time, to realise and put ourselves first - and some people never get to this point and end up frustrated. I am convinced this is why a lot of people end up overweight, which leads to lack of confidence and low self esteem. Breaking that cycle is a huge step forward, to overcoming food, confidence, self esteem issues :-)
28 Jun 13 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
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wow 25 years. What an achievement. You should be so proud. I wouldn't blame it on menopause. People get older, have different responsibilities, retirements, different stamina, different interests and people like you guys and the Sk1nny Pam guys adjust to make it work. These are relationships to honor and respect (even if everything in them does not always demonstrate honor and respect. Kudos I say. You guys finding a way will only make it stronger.
28 Jun 13 by member: Helewis
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