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My sisters look great and I look like a bum. I am overweight and I have stopped caring about my appearance. My older sister has kept her weight under control for over 10 years and I have not even begun.
I hate going shopping because I no longer look good in anything as I am in a size 26-28 and I am 5'1" and to add insult to injury the bigger the size the more expensive the clothes. I am 52 years old but everything makes me look like I'm 70. So the worse I feel about myself the more I eat and the more I eat the worse I feel. What came first?
I hate what overeating has done to me, but I am powerless over this.
This time of night is my worst time, so instead of eating again, I'm journaling.
What came first...how I feel about myself. I have suffered with low self-esteem and insecurity my entire life. While suffering in silence I used food to comfort and cope. Now how do I stop when I have lived this way for so long. I know no other way to live. What is the first step?
My first step, like any other addict is to admit that I am an Addict and am powerless over my food addiction.
The second step is difficult because I am addicted to food; which means I must learn to use properly, or eat healthy, or eat to live not live to eat. I am going to pray about it, because I have a history of failed diest attempts so if I have learned anything it is that dieting does not work for me.
But I am hopeful that the Lord will create from all the good information I have retained from the different diet plans a program to help me replace my unhealthy attitude and behavior about food with good and healthy habits that will help me to lose weight and keep it off.
Diet Calendar Entry for 10 July 2010:
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2307 kcal
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Fat: 88.69g | Prot: 91.69g | Carb: 291.89g.
Breakfast: sugar, melon, cranberry juice, coffee, turkey sausage, bagel, bacon, fried egg, fried potatoes. Dinner: catsup, frozen corn, french fries, fish sticks. Snacks/Other: peanut butter crackers, pudding. more...
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