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Today was really the first day I felt challenged and limited by my diet. I went to the movies and avoided all of its usual trappings (candy, pizza, soda) but afterwards my friend and I went to a Colombian cafe. I felt obliged to try some of the food and ate half of three deep-fried somethings. I felt sort of guilty, but doubt and remorse really set in when my friend said he ate this kind of thing every morning. I looked at him as he said this, with his tight fitting shirt that showed off his build, and felt really discouraged. His skinniness and fitness, despite his diet, reminded me not only of how much more progress was still to be made but how much harder I would have to work than him to lose my weight.
The rest of the day I felt sort of anxious and frankly, fat and unattractive. When I ate dinner tonight, I felt sick to my stomach. It was all in my head but I felt each calorie pound like a hammer all the same. I feel much better now typing this and for whatever reason less obsessed with my image. I'm looking forward to the doctor tomorrow; I'll finally have someone look at my ankle that's been keeping me from running, biking, playing basketball and other things I miss desperately. I think the prospect of getting back to sports and exercise helps reroute some of my vanity. It will feel so much better to compete with myself in sports than it felt today competing with others' appearances. Dr. Wolff, you've got the ankle. I'll handle the weight loss. And everything else.
Diet Calendar Entries for 15 July 2012:
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1656 kcal
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Fat: 75.27g | Prot: 99.52g | Carb: 148.47g.
Breakfast: flax seed, jif extra, banana, mother's wheat germ, chobani nonfat. Lunch: focaccia, arugula, tuna, Empanada Mexican Turnover (Filled with Meat and Vegetables), mrs mays dried, jack link's. Dinner: cholula, green tabasco, hunt's, roasted chicken. Snacks/Other: almonds. more...
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2355 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Calisthenics (light, e.g. home exercise) - 15 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 45 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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