|
One week ago...
... I weighed eight pounds more than I do today.
... I paid no attention to what I was eating, or how much.
... I was drinking two high-calorie coffee drinks a day.
... I was not doing any conscious exercise.
... I thought I would be fat forever.
... I thought it was okay to eat the vending machine Zingers today, because I didn't eat them yesterday.
... I assumed my weight wasn't affecting my life.
... I figured I was always fat, so I would always be fat and that was just who I was.
... I was drinking no more than 1 or 2 glasses of water a day, if that.
... I was having some trouble sleeping.
... I was ruled by negative thoughts - that I am not capable of being anything or anyone other than what I was at that moment, and what I was at that moment was fat and miserable and sad.
Today...
... I drink 6 - 8 glasses of water a day.
... I make a conscious effort to take at least a 20 minute walk each day.
... I plan what I will eat, and keep track of all of it.
... I pick healthier foods, more fruit, more veggies, less sugar.
... I feel like I can actually change my body to be more like what I imagine I can be.
... I feel like my mindset about being healthy is real and for the moment, permanent.
... I am beginning to like who I am, and who I will become.
Sometimes, I have doubts. Can I really do this? What if I mess up? What if I slip back into old habits? Am I capable of change? These nagging questions are like gnats buzzing around me. They are irritating and distracting and, like gnats, must be swatted away and I must keep moving through them. Eventually, I will get past the swarm and be in the clear. Keep swatting... keep moving forward.
This is a journey. Each step is movement towards the ultimate goal. Each step is meaningful, and important, and necessary. It is impossible to take a 100-step journey and not take each and every step. Some steps, like my progress this first week, seem enormous and inspiring. But I have to keep in mind that later steps will be smaller, or will be harder, or will be more challenging. Even though they won't propel me as far, they will be no less important and meaningful. Every step is a step in the right direction.
I am the same person I was one week ago, but I am starting to think that maybe I am not exactly the same and won't be the same... I am not what I was one week ago. I like what I have done in the last week, and like what it represents, and like what it may turn in to.
For the first time in a long time, I think I like what I am becoming.
|