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And I'm finally back in the saddle! I've been emotionally roller-coastering the past few days honestly.
I always thought it was overly dramatic when any type of psychological connection to weight or food was mentioned. Yes, I enjoy "My 600 lb Life" every so often and I wish Dr. Now was my grandpa - but I digress. I always thought it was for show. You know, the secret sauce for screen-writing. A pinch of action, some drama, the tear-jerker... and comic relief, somewhere. In any case, I think I'm converted on that skepticism now.
Because yes I do have some significant, psychological attachments to my weight, which suuuucks. My mind is a sore point for me, especially write now- Yay, puns- as I've come to terms with the fact that I don't exactly "think" like everyone else. For example, if you're familiar with Big Bang Theory or NCIS or Star Trek or any show where there's a very "mechanical" character on the roster, I lean more toward that way of thought than much any other way that is.
And while it's funny on screen, in real life it can be sort of ostracizing when you don't get the jokes or have trouble relating to other people's lives, because you find them "dramatic" or "nonsensical". Eh, I digress again. So yea, it turns out that I do have the tendency to eat my feelings.
And despite my general demeanor, I have a lot of feelings that have been repressed over a long period of time... I've been encouraged to poke and untangle the writhing mass of feels recently, and I've learned that sifting emotional baggage and caloric intake are positively correlated.
Every time I "poke a feel" as I've named it for myself, I eat whatever gross, nutritionally defunct think that pops up my brain like its fine dining. And it's the worst process I've ever undertaken. Needless to say once its done, I'm never letting it happen again. No matter how much it hurts at the time, I'm going to express myself. Let 2019 forever be the year I shed my excess weight and my past life ball-and-chains. I know "New year, New me" is uber cliché. But I don't have the mental duress or inclination to not let that be true.
Diet Calendar Entries for 16 January 2019:
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1875 kcal
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Fat: 98.67g | Prot: 104.76g | Carb: 143.62g.
Breakfast: Torani Hazelnut Syrup, Kirkland Signature Multigrain Rounds, American Cheese, Hillshire Farm Turkey Smoked Sausage, Egg White, Dunkin' Donuts Coffee with Cream (Large). Lunch: Brown Sugar, Carnation Evaporated Milk, Oatmeal, Butter. Dinner: Checkers Checkerburger with Cheese, Oscar Mayer Traditional Bacon, Beef Top Sirloin (Trimmed to 1/8" Fat, Select Grade). Snacks/Other: Hi-Stress B & C with Herbs. more...
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3583 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Dance (fast step, aerobic) - 1 minute, Driving - 1 hour and 15 minutes, Standing - 15 minutes, Desk Work - 7 hours and 40 minutes, Walking (brisk) - 4/mph - 30 minutes, Sleeping - 7 hours, Resting - 7 hours and 19 minutes. more...
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