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I was unkind to myself this weekend. One cheat day turned into two and then three. Sure, this is a journey, but it disheartening when I turn out to be weaker than even I thought I was. I'm used to being able to make up my mind or change my mind at the drop of a dime. It used to be so easy when I was younger. Oh, I want to do this or that. So I just did.
"Adulting" as the term has been coined is so much more complicated. It's not so easy to change my mind anymore. There's "baggage" to sift through now. Piles of potential "consequences" most of which are existential and don't really add up to life-ruination, but try telling the brain I programmed quite dumbly that. Self-rationalization is way different than giving advice to someone else. Which sucks. That whole "Why don't you just follow your own advice?" thing.
I'm keeping this journal to watch my progress. Good or bad. It's a way to take accountability for my actions. To see my two step forwards and my backslides. My moods and musings. So yea, it's Monday, and I'm sad as I read my weekend food journal, but it's a new day. Blessed and filled with opportunity for growth, and I'm determined to grow! It takes so-so time to back bad habits and so-so time to build better ones. If it's one thing I've managed to beat into my thick skull, at least it's this one, "Change is never instant. It's always a process."
It took time to train myself into the adult I've become. I didn't gain 100 pounds in a day and I'm not losing it in one. Consistency and consciousness is key. And I love to mentally clock out, to forgo process wherever I can, but I'm not letting myself do it this time. I want and require new habits. Until such a time as I find an accountability partner I have to be woman enough to be my own judge and jury, and woman enough to learn to treat myself gently at the same time. To not just be human, but humane...
My mom always says that the definition of insanity is to "repeat the same thing and expect a different result". So, I'm thinking that if I not only do things differently in my actions, but also treat myself differently... Something's got to change right? Here's hoping.
Diet Calendar Entries for 14 January 2019:
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2704 kcal
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Fat: 117.03g | Prot: 97.93g | Carb: 316.58g.
Breakfast: SweetLeaf 100% Natural Stevia Sweetener, Good Karma Flax Milk + Protein, Coffee, Apples, Whole Milk. Lunch: Heinz Tomato Ketchup, Texas Roadhouse Steak Fries, Market Day Angus Beef Sliders. Dinner: Tropicana Pure Premium Orange Grovestand Lots of Pulp Juice, Little Caesars Cheesy Bread, Little Caesars Hot-N-Ready Pepperoni Pizza. Snacks/Other: Sun-Maid Mini-Snacks Natural California Raisins, Kirkland Signature Extra Fancy Unsalted Mixed Nuts. more...
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3593 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Walking (brisk) - 4/mph - 30 minutes, Desk Work - 8 hours, Driving - 1 hour, Standing - 30 minutes, Resting - 6 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
Hang in there. The good habits will replace old habits. steady and sure wins the race. take one step at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. If you falter, get right back into it.
Small token of advice: DO NOT HAVE A CHEAT DAY!!! Allow your self a CHEAT MEAL... AND ENJOY IT!!! But then go right back to your Way of eating the next meal!!!it is less likely to go on and on like your cheat day did. Just a bit of helpful info...Good luck!
14 Jan 19 by member: iulani
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I'm journaling for the same reasons! If anything it keeps me accountable to my word. That's character AH - and you've got it. Stick with it. Once day at a time. You're right, today is a new day - seize it!!
14 Jan 19 by member: KJ_Robinett
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I hate the phrase "cheat" in terms of food consumption, to cheat implies that you are getting away with something, it feeds into that negative diet culture, shaming us into feeling bad about what we consume.
I find that getting rid of those negative connotations helps me get into a better mindset, and helps me feel like I am staying on track.
I choose to "indulge" myself, and I own those extra calories (or whatever you want to call them). I don't let them make me feel bad, I log it and move on.
You have balance in life to be successful in the long term, just be mindful of the negative self talk and the negative diet culture phrases. Be kind to yourself!
14 Jan 19 by member: dhatura
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