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I don't know what ya'll are doing on the elliptical but oh my goodness. I keep forgetting my fitbit so I decided I would log what the machine said. The machine said 680.. Fatsecret says an hour on the elliptical should have been 820. On what universe?? Is this what that nutty guy that goes all out for a solid hour burns? Honestly I thought he was just nuts and wanted to impress a girl with zero resistance to show her that he too could be the coyote on looney tunes. Crap now I need to do the discrete gym walk and see what that guy burns! I was feelin pretty good about myself till I saw that. I'm still feeling proud of myself. I went. I did it. I'm getting it done.
Today has been a challenge. I woke up at 3:30 with a work dream that left me wanting to get back up and work on a spreadsheet. There is nothing about that comment that should sound rational or sane. I left a meeting mid meeting because I would have lost my bleeping mind. I went off on a worker for stepping outside his line... And... I tried to call my mom. We have a very distant relationship at this point. I had bought her one of those app frames over a year ago so we could send her pictures of the kids. They see her maybe once a year if we are lucky. She finally set it up. I sent pictures. She didn't acknowledge she was getting them. So I figured I would call her and see if she was getting them. She is. She's in Ohio with her boyfriends daughter for a simple procedure. Even my niece went with her to support the girl. I had 3 years of brain scans and was told I had everything from tumors to aneurisms. Luckily I had neither. She didn't even bother to call to see how those tests went. We never had a falling out we've just grown distant to the point that she doesn't even seem to care. When she had a cancer scare I called her or my sister every day because I couldn't be there. I'm over it. I'm over putting effort into a relationship with my own mother. Can I get a new one of those? Surely there is someone in a nursing home that wouldn't mind being adopted by a chicken/duck/tiny human raising crazy clan. Seriously.. my kids nicknamed my mom grandma far far away because they couldn't remember her name.
Sigh.. deep breath.. I can only control what I can control. Today I am controlling my ability to get in a good workout and eat like an adult. I should look more seriously into that writing thing. I'm amazed anyone reads these ramblings. You guys obviously have not found smutty novels yet.
Diet Calendar Entries for 11 September 2023:
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922 kcal
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Fat: 53.11g | Prot: 67.55g | Carb: 38.29g.
Breakfast: International Delight French Vanilla Coffee Creamer, Kraft American Cheese Slice, Coffee, Scrambled Egg . Lunch: Sargento String Cheese Mozzarella Cheese Snacks, Oscar Mayer Shaved Smoked White Turkey Lunch Meat, Deli Sliced Beef Luncheon Meat, Great Value Pepper Jack Cheese, Low Carb Tortilla. Snacks/Other: Betty Crocker Fruit By The Foot - Color By The Foot. more...
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3245 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Elliptical - 1 hour, Resting - 15 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
it's hard, but try to be patient with your mom. I wasn't and I'm living with such regret now that my mom's passed away. 😢
11 Sep 23 by member: Kay621
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well....I found the novels but hubby hid them - he's gotta work in the morning!
14 Sep 23 by member: Happy*Snappy
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Always be kind and pray for our mother. I did not see my mom for 7 years and missed her burial and now I live in regret.
14 Sep 23 by member: MattRide
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Sometimes Mother/Daughter relationships are difficult, mine seemed ok during the years I was raising a family, we lived in different states, visited each other when we could, she told me how to live....I ignored her and did my own thing, fast forward 25 years. She started having health issues and my brother was hitting her. He is a drunk and a drug addict with mental health issues besides his addictions. So I asked her if she wanted to come here, she said yes. The next 8 years were a drama movie of ups and downs. I came to understand why my brother may want to raise his hand to her, I might owe him an apology....but I won't because while I know what it is like to want to, I never did it. Her health took a nose dive in 2020 because she refused to do anything her doctors told her and she would not even allow me to speak of her medical conditions. She passed away Jan 2021 with kidney failure and congestive heart failure. I did everything I could to help her with her issues, she did not want my help. I still feel guilty and have bouts of shoulda, coulda, wouldas about how I could have monitored her more closely, purchased her groceries and cooked for her to make sure she ate what she was supposed to, gone to every Doctors appointment with her so I could understand the instructions and make sure she complied. Truth is, she would not let me, did not want my input and I would have been making her a prisoner in her own home. All you can do is your best, you do your part and wait for her to do hers. You are grown, she is grown just because she is your Mom does not mean she will do what you want, love her anyway because she is your Mom.
14 Sep 23 by member: debrafrederick
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dude I feel you on the mother front. it's super difficult to navigate. she is being very dismissive about you, to the point of discard. she's making you do too much labor chasing her. stop chasing! claim your sanity. validate yourself!! you don't need her validation... you are doing great!
14 Sep 23 by member: DAZEY_iz_Well
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OMG just read your profile! You are DFW!!! So good to see you! I remember you from back in 2015!
14 Sep 23 by member: debrafrederick
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Regrets come with territory like this. Neglect and abuse displace the shame of worthlessness onto the victim. You're allowed to survive and thrive. If were only as trainable.as.a lab rat, we would know.after two passes y
through themaze that there was no cheese there, and we'd be freeto move on. But the one who's been trained to take the blame keeps going back forr less and less. train. You have a right to stop. You are allowed to make your own boundaries with what your heart can handle. Deal with the regrets in therapy! She's the one who rejected you. That is sad. Hug yourself and take no prisoners. Burn baby 🔥
24 Sep 23 by member: katrobyn
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