morela12's Journal

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19 June 2012

It's been a tough last week or two. A lot of events at work that have allowed me to stay pretty much on track. However, being super tired and working long hours allowed me to believe that i could get off of my routine and eat out more than i should have.

I feel that at least 85% of the last 2 weeks have been good with diet, but the other 15% means that i have strayed from the 100% that i have been accustomed to over the last few months.

I need to realize that when i'm tired and overworked, that eating a lot isn't going to make me feel better. It just makes me more frustrated that when i get back to normal "non-working-like-crazy-times", that i get down on the fact that i didn't do well with my health. So it's a lose-lose....and not in a good "losing" way.

Last night i wanted to get somet food to go on my way home from work...i resisted because i told myself that it would be a waste of money and emotion.

I did well at not ordering anything however i ate way too much tofu and beans when when i got home that i felt like crap afterwards.

I just need to keep reaffirming the amazing feeling that i get when i have weeks and weeks of good eating. That i have something to be proud of and that one thing in my life i'm at least in control of.

So here's to another week of good eating and feeling good about my accomplishments.

Weigh-in: 191.8 lb

lost so far: 30.2 lb

still to go: 36.8 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

add comment losing 1.5 lb a week

11 June 2012

So i hit the 12 week mark of being on this new lifestyle journey. Wow, it has gotten much easier and i'm excited to say that i'm feeling confident about my progress.

I read over a lot of my journal entries from the last 12 weeks and it was clear to see the struggles, the excitement, the fear and the unknowingness of how it will all turn out. Would i quit? Would i not lose very much? How would i feel?

I remember thinking about every possibility when i started. When i was in the first two-three weeks i didn't think i'd get very far or that i would be where i am now. It amazing to see the results when you stick with something that really works.

I only eat whole foods now. The two times i have gone off of plan i have felt horrible, sick, full, bloated, sad, mad, and a whole host of other emotions. These feelings are just not worth it.

Here's to another 12 weeks and i can't wait to see where i am at the end of those.

Weigh-in: 193.5 lb

lost so far: 28.5 lb

still to go: 38.5 lb

Diet followed 100%

add comment losing 0.9 lb a week

04 June 2012

So this has been a tough week. I started it out badly with having a "cheat" day on Tuesday (i don't know where it came from or why i did it). Then this weekend i found myself eating more than i would have wanted to.

Thus leaving me with barely any weightloss (this wasn't actually my weight today, it was my lowest weight last week). Ugh!!!!

I'm getting back on track this week though. I'm heading into Week 12! At the end of this week it will be a full 3 months that i have been at this. That's so great!! I know that my body has to be healthier and i do feel better. I however feel crappy when i go off plan, because i feel like i'm failing. But it's teaching me to learn to be ok with slip-ups and that life will go on. The best feeling is to get back on track.

I actually went jogging this morning!!! Ahh, it was great. I didn't want to get up at all. I told myself last night before going to bed, that i just had to do it ONCE. I had to try it ONE time and if i didn't like it i didn't ever have to do it again. Well, i loved it. Yes, it was hard to pull myself out of bed. Yes, it was hard to not click snooze again and again and fall back asleep. But i DID IT! So i'm hoping to keep that up, as i know it will help tone my body even if it doesn't help me lose any more weight.

Anyway, i'm heading into this week with mixed emotions. Being happy that i ran this morning and being frustrated that i basically just wasted a week of weightloss. At least it's not me stopping this all forever and going crazy with eating again. It's just a small blip, a learning lesson and a chance to get right back on and keep at it.

Weigh-in: 194.4 lb

lost so far: 27.6 lb

still to go: 39.4 lb

Diet followed reasonably well

add comment losing 0.6 lb a week

31 May 2012

So i'm just going to come clean with it. I cheated on Tuesday. I ate like a pig (well, compared to my new lifestyle, it was way excessive). It certainly isn't close to what i used to gorge on, but it was far too much and far too unhealthy.

So, why did i do it? I'm really not sure. I had thought about it for a few hours before placing the order. I tried, and failed, at talking myself out of it. I guess i wanted to see what it tasted like again. I guess i wanted to see if i could do it.

I knew the whole time that it would send my body into a tailspin. That i would gain weight (water weight at the least). I knew i would feel bloated. I knew i would feel guilty. I knew that i would enjoy it for only the few short minutes it took me to eat it all.

Ugh.

So today is Thursday and i'm still "getting over it". I'm getting over it physically (have gained 2 pounds on the scale that aren't going anywhere quick). I'm getting over it emotionally and trying to understand why i did it and how i can make sure to not do it again.

I am going to get over this. I am going to persevere over this weight issue that i have. I will be OK with going off plan on the rare occasion.

Anyway, i just wanted to get this off my own chest. Log it to read back over in the future. Realize how to move forward and allow myself to forgive myself.

Here's to a new day!

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29 May 2012

So wow, i think i'm officially in Onderland!! It's been about a week since i've seen the scale go over 200. It feels amazing. It feels weird. It feels surreal.

I guess i don't really even know what my emotion should be other than to be happy and confident that i can do this. I'm still scared that at any moment it'll go back up. It doesn't feel real that i'm meant to stay in Onederland.

I was over 200lbs for the past 8+ years. It is what i'm used to. I'm not used to being "content" with my weight. Not that i'm content right now, but i have a 1 before my weight instead of a 2. I'm really looking forward to getting to the 180's, that's my next major goal.

This is certainly easier but i just wonder if i have to keep lowering my calories (i don't track very well on here)to get further or if i can just keep up what i'm doing now and get to my goal weight.

It feels good, fitting into different clothes, and my dad's wife said this weekend that i look like i'm at a "healthy weight". Ha, i find that pretty darn hard to believe as i still have at least 30 pounds to go, but maybe to the public eye i don't look as freakishly obese any longer.

I'm sticking with this....

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