YBROWN180

Well I just turned 30 April 28 and I plan on having my first child in the next 2-3 years. I don't want to be the size of a house during this time. I want room to grow. I want to enjoy being pregnant. I also want to do a few things before I do get pregnant, but my weight is holding me back. I have always been overweight. I am so tired of being fat period. I always hear that I really don't look big my weight looks good on me, but I am the only one that really knows how much I weigh. I avoid all pictures becuz I don't want to document the way that I really look. I think in my mind it worst than it really is but the numbers don't lie. Right now I weight 248-250 last summer I was 200 and was holding it steady until Christmas. That's when I really started to eat. I am very good at crash dieting. I do it every year. I love the cabbage soup diet becuz it really works fast. Right now my goal is to be at the max 200 lbs by the end of June. Otherwise I will spend most of my time in the house and when I do leave out I will have a jacket on. My punishment for not having any self control. One day I will kick the habit of crash dieting but as of now it's the only thing that works for me. I am also border line bulimic, this usually only happens in the summer to maintain the weight that I have lost. I mostly binge and purge a few times a week mostly on the weekends. I love food but it hates me. This may be a bit much for a bio but I needed to tell it all. My friends and family has no ideal of what's going on, I just keep it all to myself. They think that I am really over reacting since I am always on a diet. I wish I could see how they view me becuz the reflection that I see in the mirror looking back at me is just horrible. I figure to get over this hump I have to start off somewhere. So... HERE I AM!!!! My short term goal is to get to 200 lbs my next goal after that would be 180 and my ultimate goal would be 160-170. Mind you I haven't been 170 since 1995.