Losing to Gain - 40lbs by Sept. - 2nd Wave

For me, there was a trigger each time I decided to lose the weight. The first time.. I was on a local chatline and started talking to this guy. And like many people (I won't just say men).. Of the chatline.. he seemed like a real good guy. Well.. we finally met up and we chatted for a moment because I was on a lunch break but the change in him was apparent. Even though I was honest about my weight. For a minute I was mad like, "Damn, this dude wasn't even cute and he just stopped talking to me because he wasn't attracted to me physically. I have a pretty face still a--hole!" Then I became depressed and judgemental. Not even over the guy because honestly.. He was not a looker but now that I think of it maybe that is why. Because he was ugly and still wouldn't have been interested ha! Ain't that some sh.. Anyways.. I said to myself that's it. I want every man who had "not been interested" break their necks. Just because I am a good woman and a hard worker. If you can't take me at 220 then you don't want me at 150. I'm the same person fat or skinny. And I began.. And I did turn heads.. And I felt more confident than I had in years! Oh! And I saw him again.. went to keep a guy friend company at court and he was in hand cuffs in custody. Looked right at me and don't think he recognized me but I got a little giggle out of it.

This time.. I met another man and when we met the first night we sat in a car and talked, listened to music and enjoyed each other company for 7 hours. LOL. I was heavily in denial (get it?) but heavy all the same. We've been together 3 years about three months after that night. Now over the years I've met the family and the girlfriends/boyfriends of the family and it's hard not to feel a bit awkward in pajama pants or loose sweats when his cousins have beautiful girlfriends from the hair, body, make up and clothes. Now I know my man loves me and has been with me regardless of my weight but still made me feel bad. The little evil imagination I had of his male cousins asking him why was he with me? Because unlike first guy this one is much much sexier. Haha! I want to feel good for me but a part of me also wants to look good for my man. The man who accepted me for me. I want guys to look at his woman and give him compliments on his woman so he feels extra good with me at his side. Knowing no man could take me from him no matter the money, cars or looks solely because I know fat or skinny he'll love me.

Okay.. now that I got personal.. It's your turn.. Go!

I want to lose weight because I'm sick of being the biggest in the group. I'm tired of being judged because of how I look. People look at me and just assume I'm lazy because I'm fat. I want my daughter to be proud of me. I want to go into a store and try on the "cute" clothes. I want to hike a fourteener. I want to RUN a 5k. I want to be able to look in the mirror and not be sorry.

I'm tired of feeling mad and dissapointed in myself. I used to be very athletic. I played soccer, ran 5ks all the time, was a pro at pushups...now I can't do any of that to save my life. I really worked my butt off to get where I was. I threw it all away in less than two years where I gained just over 100 lbs. I remember how good I felt,and I want that back! Whenever I work out I feel myself getting a little closer, sometimes I still feel that sick feeling because the workouts are so hard for me, but if I don't do this now I don't think I ever will.

I know how you feel Cynd, I'm always the biggest person in the group...its especially hard when you're bigger than the guys too.

Thanks Erica96, I ALWAYS stand in the back for photos, but it still surprises me when I see them. Standing in the background thinking I look good, then the photos are printed. Arrrrgh! And I could add I want to weigh less than my husband! ; )

Don't get me wrong, I AM doing this for me, but here is one of my motivations that I can't speak to anyone here about:
My 10 year old daughter is "chubby". Not obese but has always had a tummy and it's difficult to find clothes that fit her in her favorite fashion store in the mall which tends to cater to super skinny girls. I wasn't a fat child at all. I was quite skinny until I got married and went away to college at 20. I don't want my daughter to go through a rough pre-teen/teen years because I am influencing her to a poor way of eating. I want to be a role model for her. I want her to have a happily active lifestyle. I can't do that at 279#. She has been my biggest supporter and always roots for me when I get on the scale. This might be working because she said this weekend she wants to take Karate classes.
Also, My husband is taking me for granted. I want to shake him up and make him see me again as the beautiful girl he married. I want to be able to grow old with him. I want to motivate him to lose weight too.
To do that I need to weigh less than him too.

Cynd weighing less than my husband has been my first goal for awhile now!

My knees hurt. I am 28 and my knees hurt, my feet ache, I feel weak, I have trouble walking, and I feel unattractive. I don't like any of that. While vanity is surely a driving force, I have two primary motivations:

I want to feel strong again. That wonderful feeling of accomplishing a new fitness goal. Feeling muscles, even beneath a layer of pudge, and knowing that I am getting better every single day.

Secondly, I am a nursing student. I am going into a field in which I will be on my feet all day. How can I do that if I blow my knees before I am 30? How can I advise my patients on the importance of a healthy diet and weight when I have over 100 pounds of baggage on me?

I have plans, goals, and dreams. It will be extremely difficult, and unnecessarily so, to accomplish them at 270 pounds.

Back in 2000-2001 I lost a lot of weight, had been heavy all of my life and I thought finally FINALLY I did it! I managed to keep it of and maintain a healthy exercise schedule but when I got into a relationship with the wrong guy I began to unravel due to the stress. At first I was able to maintain just a 10 lb weight gain, then 20 and when we broke up in 2005 it was a 30 lb gain. I was still very active but insatiably hungry. More bad relationships brought more weight gain and here I am back at that point and 13lbs beyond where I said I'd never be again. I have a reunion in the Fall and would like to be back to where I was at the last one by that time which is 160. Beyond that it would be nice to lose an additional 15-20lb.