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linda1806's Journal, 22 May 2012
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I am having one of those days..you know the one..where you are trying to find motivation and cheer urself up. I am having all kinds of feelings here. I really have been slacking on my workouts and diet. It's not like I don't have any support though. I have plenty of that. I am just feeling lazy and really tired these days. I have been having some medical issues within myself and I think it's about time I just go and get a check up. I am seriously always tired..I know if I went back to eating healthy it will help.
I am also cooking more too. So, I know its up to me to provide healthy foods for my family. I guess I am getting tired to chicken,fish and veggies. I need to come up with new recipes. idk..
I have also decided to go ahead and file for divorce. We have been seperated for 3 years. I just can't bring myself to do it. I feel like I am letting myself down and the kids. I tried many times to save our marraige. I had to always be the dependable one in the relationship. He was to busy drinking and spending money. He didn't care if the bills were paid or if we had food on the table. He didn't care that the kids had to see what the alcohol was doing to him. He didn't care that his actions also hurt those around him. So, why am I the one still feeling guilty?? I used to always tell myself that I drove him to drink. I guess, I am worried about letting him down. His family has never really been there for him. The kids and I are the only ones that have. He still claims he loves me. Sometimes, words aren't enough..especially when I know I deserve better. Sorry this is me venting and trying to convince myself to do this. It has been long over due. Yes, I still love him with all my heart. I need more than what he can give me.
Sorry all , don't mean to be so down in the dumps..
Well my weekend was nice. My son's soccer team won their second game. It was 14 to 1. He was so proud that he made 2 goals. My daughter trys out for flag girl in band. lol I don't know if that the correct term for it. I have never been in band..
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 Comments
Do that damn divorce and don't look back! Your sentence "I need more than he can give me" says it all. It's just not possible to drive ourselves forward if we constantly stare into the rear view mirror. Thinking of you! Hope you find your strength soon.
22 May 12 by member: MillaLite
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Thank you MillaLite. You are so right, I feel like since I started dating that its the right thing to do. I just have to question why did, it take me so long to realize this?? I know I dont' need a man. I have been doing good alone too. Tyler Perry's movie.. I can do bad all by myself comes to mind!! lol Thanks girl!! :)
22 May 12 by member: linda1806
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You'll get your groove back, Stella;)
22 May 12 by member: MillaLite
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22 May 12 by member: linda1806
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