beware5289's Journal, 10 May 2012

So here I start again. Started at 195 January of 2011. Got to 149 at one point. I gave up and now I'm at 168 and I'm pissed at myself. Four days ago I was at 172 and started low carbing it.. So in 4 days I lost 4 lbs. It's giving me hope that I can do it again. I stopped and started dieting so many times in the last few months. I refused to put my weight in. But today I decided that I had no choice. I must put my weight in and stick to this. I don't want to have a miserable summer. I'm single and looking. But my low self esteem is getting in the way. The only way I can feel better about myself is to lose this fat. My friends are talking about getting together to swim but unless I lose I won't do it. I can't let anybody see me in a bathing suit. I'm terribly ashamed of my body, it's fat and gross. If I could afford lypo I'd do it in a heartbeat. My worse feature is my stomach. It's so round and flabby. If I could lose that I would feel good. I have no stretch marks but how does that matter if it's huge? So 4 days down and many more to go. I'm gonna do it.. again. This time I hope to get to at least 130.

Diet Calendar Entry for 10 May 2012:
988 kcal Fat: 65.37g | Prot: 74.21g | Carb: 24.50g.   Lunch: mozzarella, cucumber, onion, green pepper, ground chuck , pizza sauce kroger, mushrooms canned kroger. Dinner: real mayo kroger, chicken tenderloin kroger, onion, black olives small. Snacks/Other: cocoa hershey's, heavy whipping cream kroger, splenda. more...
on diet Calorie Counting!  
Comments 
I was off this site from about November until January and gained 5 lbs back of 8 lbs I lost. I started back on here and I'm almost back down the whole 8 and I feel like I'm doing the right things again and my self esteem is boosted. You can do it, just keep going. I don't feel comfortable in a bathing suit because of my stretch marks, but after seeing a lot of other people out there who don't care what they look like and are having a great time, I decided I'll find something that I can be okay with and just go with it. I don't wear a bikini by any means, but I've found that when I'm in my bathing suit and having a good time, no one notices the imperfections that I do, and my hubby thinks it's awesome that I'll even wear one again. You are your biggest critic, we all are, but I think you look great now, and just wait until you get back on track, you'll be rockin that bathing suit in no time! 
10 May 12 by member: mars2kids

     
 

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