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ctlss's Journal, 20 July 2011
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IT'S BEEN A LONG FOUR WEEKS.....
These last 4 weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions. Dad's illness and subsequent passing has left me in a state of grief that is deeper than I have felt since the passing of my daughter. I thought that I had hardended my heart enough to keep it from hurting like this again, but I was wrong....Lord, this hurts....BAD! It will get better I know, but for now, I will grieve. To all my wonderful friends who have been praying for my family, commenting on my journal, sending me pm's and emails, please know that your kindness during this difficult time will never be fogotten...you all have a very special place in my heart, and also know that my dad knew all of you were praying for him, and he was deeply touched. Thank you....I simply have no words to describe my gratitude.
I have not been that great with my food choices the last 10 days, simply wasn't home enough to eat what I should, and to tell the truth, didn' much care. I had pizza the day dad had his stroke, and have eaten lots of lunch meat, cheese, and some cake and cookies. I did take low carb bread so that at least when I had to eat sandwiches (which I did a lot), the carb counts wouldn't be too out of control. I had some chips and some crackers....not a lot, but some. I had several beers and some wine, diet soda and coffee, and not nearly enough water. The result is that today I weighed in and am at 192...not really happy with that, but I also know it could be much worse. Yesterday I got back on track, thanks to my sweet hubby, my rock, my lifeline. He is always my one constant when things get crazy. Do need to get the water drinking back on track again....I suspect that is what is causing these headaches and the swelling of my hands and feet.
Well, that is really all the news that is fit to print from my corner of the world.
Hugs and love to all of you!
TTFN!!
~Stef~
Diet Calendar Entry for 20 July 2011:
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1220 kcal
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Fat: 80.36g | Prot: 89.29g | Carb: 43.73g.
Breakfast: butter, eggs. Lunch: sharp cheddar cheese, gala apple. Dinner: Dans Spaghetti Sauce, chicken leg quarter, kroger 4% milkfat small curd cottage cheese, buttermilk, lettuce, celery, cucumber, zucchini, tomato, home grown, green onions. Snacks/Other: happy farms cheese stick, pork rinds. more...
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 Comments
Oh Stef, my heart goes out to you during these times. And please, dont worry about your slight gain. You are fortunate that is all it is and that you are still here. Many of us would have just given up - but not you. Do what you need to do right now to get through the right now. You know how to get out of it and to get back on track. It will happen when you are ready. And we will all be here when that time comes. I love you my friend.
20 Jul 11 by member: kmartin
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I lost my dad when I was 26 yrs old. My oldest son was only 6 months old. I still miss him. He had lung cancer and we basically had a year to say goodbye. He tried to fight it at first, but after a year, he was just tired. It gets a little easier, but you will always miss him. Just take one day at a time my friend. ((((HUGS)))))
20 Jul 11 by member: kcook323
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Thank you Keli...I am back on track and will be drinking lots of water today, which shouldn't be too hard, since the high is going to be 100, with a heat index of about 115. Sure wish it would rain. I love you back, Keli...thanks so much for all your support.
20 Jul 11 by member: ctlss
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Thank you Kendra....I wish we'd had the opportunity to do the same.
20 Jul 11 by member: ctlss
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Stef, I am so glad you have Dan to lean on... these times are often the ones when we really realize how difficult life can be and having that one constant person in it makes it a little less difficult. As for the weight, I suspect getting back on track and getting that water in will yeild some majore water weight lost... take your time to grieve and get back on the health track when you feel ready, a gain of 8 pounds really is not bad all things considered.
20 Jul 11 by member: pixidaisy
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Thanks, Pix...I am not too upset with the weight gain, as I know it will go back down, as long as I don't continue down this path. I tend to be an emotional eater and need to nip it in the bud, or I could be back where I started in the blink of an eye. Thanks my friend...I am glad I have Dan also...he is my sanity.
20 Jul 11 by member: ctlss
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So glad your not alone in this...take care of you....Bren
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Oh, Bren so am I...so am I!! Love ya, sis!
20 Jul 11 by member: ctlss
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Stef, I am so sorry that you are experiencing such grief. You know that I have been there also and it feels like your heart is literally breaking and you are in the middle of a dark cloud that will never pass. As much as it hurts, you have to go through this to begin healing. It will get better, but nothing will ever be the same. You are always in my prayers and close in my thoughts. Love and Hugs dear.
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Thank you, Pam. Love ans hugs to you, my sweet friend!
20 Jul 11 by member: ctlss
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