Tamielyn's Journal, 10 July 2011

I know what you mean!! I lost 30lbs and I find myself making excuses when people compliment me or say I am "skinny"...how can they be talking to me?! And when I look in the mirror, I am skinny, but in my head and in my skin I still feel fat. I have been chubby all my life and it is hard to just switch that mind set. I have gained back about 6lbs (just due to too many things going on...I know, no excuse!!!) but I feel fat now and when I tell people that, they laugh at me...My mind just hasn't caught up...so I know exactly what you mean :0) But it is kind of cool, huh?! How much have you lost? 

As of this morning when I weighed myself. I have lost 60 lbs. I have about 15 more to go. How do you get out of this mindset? I thought the feelings of feeling self conscious would get better. 

I don't know, but I think it will take some time...If we have been this way our whole life, we can't change overnight. I am figuring if I stay on track it will be another year...but I do know, I will ALWAYS fight food...I would not say I am addicted to food, but I do think about it a lot, plan my events around it...love to cook and do things that involve food...dinner with friends and family, etc. So I just have to be really careful...and again, I know it will always be a battle. Good thing is I know that and I work on it. I hope you hang in there...if nothing else you are making a better life for you and your family. If you have kids you are giving them an amazing gift. I so hope my girls grow up eating healthy and make good choices because they don't have a battle with food...ok, sorry, back to you :0) Do you have other reasons that may be blocking your self esteem? You deserve it. You saw a problem and conquered it. You have worked hard and should be proud of yourself. And school, you rock! Good for you! 

I think this is kind of ... normal. I lost 112 lbs 5 years ago ... unfortunately put about 90% of it back on that I'm working on taking off again. I remember I took a break from seeing my family for about 4 months when I started the diet back then. My entire family is big for the most part, so I distanced myself from them in order to not be tempted and to keep track on the diet. When they finally saw me again I'd lost 80 lbs. I got the same comments about "Wow, you're so skinny." and it made me feel awkward. The comments of "You're such a beautiful woman now" made me feel like just a piece of meat. Women, thanks to the main screen, are only considered pretty now when they're a stick figure ... you feel that everywhere you go these days. When you're big, you don't get comments like that ... so I think going from big to small has just as much of a self-conscious effect. You'll get used to it though. Just smile, because at least they're good comments ... you don't have to listen to fat jokes anymore ;) 

Thanks to the both of you for commenting. I think the hardest thing for me is that I don't see the person that they are talking about yet. My perception of myself is still stuck on the heavier me. I am going to work on changing that though.