Monday - April 21st and here's the challenging thing about belonging to challenges .. I can't remember if I'm repeating myself or just thinking 'I need to journal this thing so I can remember and improve on it later.'
Yeah, sure, it's all the challenges fault. Has nothing to do with my pending age related senility. That and the fact that I've started this journal three times and keep discarding it in attempt to compose something relevant.
On that, I give up - LOL. If you're reading this, it is what it is.
I think part of what led to my Feeding Frenzy Friday is I'd allowed my food supply of delicious, nutritional and satisfying choices to dwindle. Ironic as I've been on this quest to 'love myself' - esp with the dating myself. Then again, maybe this new found self infatuation responds the same as IRL and minimized my appetite until I caught myself in a different mood. I don't know.
I know twice last week I reached for the phone with a 'meh, I'll just order a pizza' and although I stopped myself... I knew it wouldn't be long until I hit the speed dial button. There's a thought. I need to take that number off speed dial even though it's a friend of mine who owns the parlor. Make it harder to go 'dialing for destruction' in a weaker moment.
But when I found myself mesmerized by the aroma of the sausage burritos and BBQ at the show Saturday - odors that usually had no effect on me as I imagined my very clean eating tuna, cheese, peanut butter and celery in my bag - I knew I'd been depriving myself of 'Eating What I Love'.
So I ordered a prime rib roast on the way home and cooked it yesterday. Then I bought one of those food saver sealer things that's supposed to make it last longer in the freezer and at 'once a week' or so I'm covered for that for at least the next 3 months, minimum. Now I'm going to proceed with getting a turkey followed by ... well, you get it. I'll have a freezer full of healthy, delicious choices available for whenever I find time at a minimum even though my hunger (is not).
I was reading yesterday, and posted the article
Click Here to Read about how the perception of a healthy woman has changed. No news flash for those of us in my generation but just downright ... I dunno... defeating? Sad? The reason I have such a low self esteem about my appearance?
I think I've commented on this before - back in the day, 'fat' was considered healthy and wealthy. Only the poor and sick were 'thin'. And the number and health game continues to change constantly.
It's like, YES, I know those cover girls are airbrushed. Even the ones who are already thin as it is are morphed into appearing even thinner. I watched a documentary recently titled 'Chasing Beauty' about models and the agency representative commented, "It's not us.. it's the designers. They are the one's designing the clothes - we have to find the tall thin models who can wear them'.
Makes ya think, doesn't it? Does me, anyway.
Anyway ~ as I continue to try to love and accept myself in what little time I have left - time that will pass in the blink of an eye if the past decade is any indication ~ I'll just remember the photo below and strive to look as beautiful and confident as Lillian Russell. Absolutely love the hat.
And for the women - a little beefcake. Well, beef roast. My prime rib yesterday. LOL.
Thank you for stopping by to visit with me. Have a great day.
Bella
