FitOKay's Journal, 20 March 2014

It's 1am here and I *should* be asleep. Insomnia is something I've dealt with my whole life so this is pretty normal for me. I thought I'd journal a bit instead. Now I don't really like complaining. I am not a 'the glass is half empty' person. In fact I'm not even a 'the glass is half full' person. I'm more of a 'the glass is half full, now how do I fill it up?' Sort of person. I have literally had people dislike me for being 'too peppy'. Granted that was befor the lung crisis, lack of oxygen tends to take the peppiness right out of you. But it doesn't take away your innate personality. My husband, a happy and as content of a self admited pessimist you will ever find- spent the years of the lung crisis (as we ended up half jokingly calling it somewhere along the line) certain he was going to wake one day without a wife. Every ER visit was him and the doctors wanting to admit me and me saying I'm the same as I've been, just give me prednisone and send me home- I'll be as fine as I can be. I spent the years bummed I couldn't breathe and waiting for it to get figured out. My husband says he still checks my breathing in the middle of the night and when he wakes in the morning... even though I've been mostly better for over a year now.

I've never really been too upset about the way things are. I had abusive parents (who have both gotten help and are much better people today and wonderful grandparents). Ok, I grew up to be a loving mom, with a good husband and father for my kids. Who not only went with me through relationship and parenting training when we got pregnant the first time, but got certified with me to teach the same and other similar training to at risk families and try to stop the cycle of abuse befor it
starts by giving them healthy relationship skills.

I have asthma, ok. I ran and did volleyball anyways.

I have so-so kidneys, ok. I learned to drink a lot of water and watch for low blood sugar symptoms.

I have thoracic degenerative disc disease since I was a teenager, ok. Volleyball was out but I could still run. Holding my babies the normal way was out but a front carry mai tie or ergo worked instead.

My organs hate pregnancy/pcos/uterin cancer. My doctors have told me no more babies because of my body not dealing well. Even if that wasn't why my gyno wants me to get a hysterectomy (which I've put off almost 4 years now- I'm only 29!) because I have pcos on top of precancerous tumors removed at 19/20 and my maternal grandmother, aunt and cousin died of the same cancer. OK. My now husband was with me every step of the way dealing with the tumors, including the surgery removing them. We got to birth two babies, that's 2 more then doctors were telling us to expect when we got engaged. We are going to adopt the rest of our family (we both come from large families, 2 is not enough).

My lungs went to crud, ok. So the teaching stopped, which I regret but know I couldn't have continued effectively (I am starting to feelers back out towards that area again). I still took care of my boys, I survived, and I've gotten better. I'm not where I was 5 years ago, but I'm so much better then 2 years ago.

My oldest child has both health concerns (like lungs collapsing not breathing from infant out), motor delays and autism. Ok, we work with the doctors on the health. We work with pschologist on the Autism. We work with him on the motor. When public school was an obvious horrible fit for my adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing, reading text books 5 year old with no peer connection, sensory issues who was the size of a 3 year old because his body stopped creating growth hormone... ok we home school.

When his brother was born with kidneys and liver not functioning correctly, smelling like maple syrup with initial lab coming back as msud, we held our breath and waiting. And were grateful when it turned out to be that the kidneys and liver weren't developed correctly. Still not great but not a death sentance. When my developmentally normal (no signs of aurism) toddler started up with symptoms of the same growth disorder at 1.5 years old, we dealt with it the same way. When they discovered a possibly cancerous abnormality on his pituitary gland... we reasoned that with identical symptoms to his older brother who has no such abnormality, it is likely just a cyst and we're waiting it out to see wgat happens befor borrowing trouble.

I feel like I am a pretty roll with the punches sort of gal. I'm grateful that I'm not prone towards depression (which I have heartbreakingly watched friends and family deal with). I don't have an addictive personality- drugs, alcohol, even food as a crutch has never been an issue (never gained weight outside of pregnancy). I am grateful that I don't give up easily and generally am looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. I am also grateful that, despite my upbringing, I wholeheartedly believe in God and am passing that joyful belief on to my children.

I'm not really sure what my point is in writting this. I think I am just reminding myself a bit. I was writing on the family blog tonight about an endocrinologist appointment the boys had Tuesday trying to explain to our family and friends our options with the youngest and for a second it just seemed overwhelming. I needed to remind myself of what we have come through befor to remember we'd deal with this also.

Certainly this post is much too long for anyone else on the site to actually rwad =) I think this one was just for me, anyways.

Diet Calendar Entries for 20 March 2014:
1529 kcal Fat: 76.25g | Prot: 66.46g | Carb: 148.34g.   Breakfast: Cheese Sweet Rolls. Lunch: Cheese Sweet Rolls, Yellow Mustard, Sweet Relish, Chunk Light Tuna in Water (Can), Light Mayonnaise. Dinner: Yukon Gold Potatoes, Ranch Dressing, Celery, Mushrooms, Baby Carrots, Chicken Thigh, Lettuce, Cooked Asparagus (from Fresh). Snacks/Other: Cheese Sweet Rolls, 2% Fat Milk, Classic Malt Mix. more...
1868 kcal Activities & Exercise: Bicycling (leisurely) - <10/mph - 40 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 20 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
on diet FitOKay's own diet  

11 Supporters    Support   

Comments 
I read every word and what can I say other than that you are a truly remarkable person!!! You are so strong and capable your kids are beyond lucky to have you. 
20 Mar 14 by member: njashka8
Lol, thank you for the encouragment. Very appreciated! I just started writting and befor I knew it everything was on paper (er... screen) and nearly and hour had passed. I feel a whole lot better now then when I started, so I guess I just needed to let it out and get some perspective again =) 
20 Mar 14 by member: FitOKay
To be faced with so much and staying so positive you are inspiring. Glad it made you feel better too! 
20 Mar 14 by member: njashka8
the glass is half filled with water half filled with air - therefor the glass is always 100% full 
20 Mar 14 by member: puhpine
Now that is a fantastic view of it- I'll have to remember that one! 
20 Mar 14 by member: FitOKay
The best of luck for your youngest son! That is quite an incredible life-story you have! You are a very strong person to cope that well with all of those challenges! It's wonderful that you keep that positive spirit in the face of it. Your kids are very lucky to have you as a mother! 
20 Mar 14 by member: euheide
Thank you, when I woke up this morning I was embarrased that I actually wrote that all out on a public site... sorta like what late night hell did my sleepy brain get up to, lol. I didn't really plan to say so much. I started off with trying to give pretext to how we've dealt with medical issues in the past befor explaining what I was overwhelmed with atm, instead everything just ended up in writing o.0 I very much appreciate how supportive you 3 have been =) 
20 Mar 14 by member: FitOKay
Thank you for writing this. It gives me the motivation to keep doing what i'm doing to make myself healthier. If you can fight why can't I? I wish you the best and hope things continue getting better for you.  
20 Mar 14 by member: gashlin
You and your family are amazing Calyn. Thanks for sharing your incredible journey and reminding us not to give up for any reason.  
20 Mar 14 by member: ChicaLean
wow what an amazing person you are your life must be full of love and support thank you for sharing. 
20 Mar 14 by member: Abbytown
Thank you guys. Abby, I think your life is as full as support as you choose. You find those friends and family that are loving and supportive, then ignore the rest (relatively speak, not ignore per say, but don't pay attention to their negativity). I feel I've been very lucky in my life, to be honest.  
20 Mar 14 by member: FitOKay
Thanks Calynz! :) 
21 Mar 14 by member: euheide
No reason to embarrassed, much on the contrary! :) 
21 Mar 14 by member: euheide
I have sleeping problem since 16 years old, often waking up at 3am and not able to get back to sleep. Over the last 30 years I have figured out some tips on sleep, not sure if it will work for you but might be worth a try: - try waking up at the same time every morning. For me, I wake up at 6-6.30am every morning without the need for an alarm clock. - try not to do anything that stimulate the mind before sleep such as playing computer games, watching horror movies or even listening to your favorite music - doing some stretching exercises just before sleep - avoid coffee, alcohol - if you wake up in the middle of the night and could not get back to sleep, try mediation - sit upright unsupported with your eyes closed, focus on something such as your breathing or the ticking of the alarm clock. Optional: you can also try the Tao method - use the tip of your tongue to touch the upper cavity of your mouth Let me know if these work for you!  
29 Mar 14 by member: sohck
Thank you sohck! 
29 Mar 14 by member: FitOKay
Not sure if you religious if i can not sleep I listen to audio Bible or sermons fall asleep soon 
29 Mar 14 by member: Hannelie nobody
Night time is definitely been my main Bible reading time most my life. That's a good idea. My husband sometimes listens to things on his headphones to sleep, I may just steal his headphones and give it a go ;-) Thanks. 
29 Mar 14 by member: FitOKay
Ha ha enjoy 
29 Mar 14 by member: Hannelie nobody

     
 

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