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By some miracle I lost a little more weight. I am now back on track. I am extremely to be in the 280's.
I have been in the 300's for so long. Almost my entire life. I started out in kindergarten at 80 #'s. By 6th grade I was 180 #'s. Then the weight chart was maybe at 170 for me. I thought I was fat but I was 5' 10". Everyone had told me I was fat from my brother calling me the good year blimp to classmates. I was so withdrawn and shy. I was such an outcast.
By high school I was so embarrassed to let anyone see me eat so I went in the bathroom stall to eat a sandwich. I weighed about 300 #'s.
My highest was about 375 or 400 9 yrs. ago. You feel so ugly and see all the looks and laughs ignorant people make. I told myself years ago if I ever got fat again after getting to 180's I would just kill myself and end it.
Well I am not giving in no matter how hard this damn battle is, I will win the war!
I have arthritis in my entire body even my chest. All my joints hurt. I can't sleep in a bed. I had to sleep in a recliner. I hurt 24/7. I have done every kind of treatment possible even surgery nothing works. I have had this since I was about 16. I didn't realize the extreme weight accelerated the arthritis.
By 36 I had an MRI and my back looked like an 80 yr old the doc. stated. Well at least the outside isn't old I told him. I was put on oxy/codone and then later morphine along with it. It helps a little but I know I need a lot more than that.
I have 2 ruptured lower discs. I was hit across the lower back with a 2 x 4 when I was 18. I dropped to my knees as the tears welled up in my eyes. One friend went to fight this horrible man but I told him no, he has a gun and so do his 2 brothers. Not to mention they all towered at 6'7" or more. I had lost weight then and was again at my favorite number of 180 #'s.
I know in my mind I felt helpless and it thinks if I am bigger I could have had the strength to get the board away. I tried but he was too strong. This is an emotional mental I have dealt with all my life. I will be 53 in Feb. of next year.
I didn't plan to write all of this but it feels good to get it out.
Anyway my diet is back on track. I still have my 50 gallon or larger Rubbermaid container on wheels packed with all my skinny clothes. They have been patiently waiting for me for about 5 yrs.
Good luck everyone and we can do this!
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286.6 lb
Lost so far: 28.4 lb.
Still to go: 86.6 lb.
Diet followed poorly.
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losing 0.2 lb a week
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