gabbygabby's Journal, 04 January 2013

So mad I wrote a whole rant and when I looked back to post it, it was gone. So now I'll try to retype it all.

First off, again, this is a rant. If you want to stop reading do so now.

So I just want to get it out there and say that I am so sick and tired of skinny/thin people always judging fat people. Saying they're so fat, so ugly, what are they wearing, what are they thinking, etc. With no regards to be being right next to them. Do they not notice I am fat as well? That it bothers me when they say stuff like that. I mean I guess I could say something to them about it but I don't. What would I say? Stop talking about fat people because I am fat and it bothers me? I don't know.

Also, I hate it when skinny/thin people think that fat people will just magically fit into their coats/sweaters/shirts. Like the thing is not going to stretch and me magically fit into it. So I always have to just say no thank you I am fine. It's embarrassing. And again it bothers me because I wish I was thin enough to be able to fit into their coats. Pretty much all my friends are thin/skinny and it just sucks being the one fat girl all the time. I sometimes feel like a burden when I hang out with friends. And I no longer want to feel that way.

I need to become a leaner, healthier, more toned happier me for me so that I am finally able to feel confident in myself.

The thing that worries me is that once I do get to that point or even before people will start to say something. Whether it be good or bad. Things like you look skinnier, thinner, are you losing weight, etc. Is that good or not? I haven't gotten any yet. Except for my mom that told me my stomach does look smaller than before. So from her I guess it's good and encouraging but I don't know so much from others. I mean yes I want to be seen as thin/leaner but I don't know if I want people to come out and just say it. Like with my friends, they don't tell each other their skinny/thin, what did they do to lose the weight, what did they eat, etc. They just know they are. Maybe I am just overthinking this all and freaking out about nothing. We will see. Well that's it for now. Thank you for reading my rant.

Diet Calendar Entries for 04 January 2013:
1141 kcal Fat: 37.20g | Prot: 44.03g | Carb: 172.13g.   Breakfast: Cranberry Juice, Old Fashioned Oats. Lunch: eggs, Hearts of Romaine. Dinner: Plain Bagel, Plain Cream Cheese. Snacks/Other: Hawaiian Sweet Rolls, lemon. more...
1955 kcal Activities & Exercise: Sleeping - 24 hours. more...

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Comments 
Rant all you want!!!! Get it out and just unload! You deserve to! Look, you are taking steps to take care of YOU because You are worth it. So many women don't value themselves and that's how we don't take care of ourselves! NOT ANYMORE! You are on a journey to value yourself! And don't expect some thinner people to understand the road you've been on. It WILL feel good when people compliment you and sometimes it might not because it reminds you of where you were. Remember that word "were", past tense! So keep up the good work and you will continue to get farther in your journey. And your FS buddies will encourage you as you encourage us! :) 
04 Jan 13 by member: BeckyBaby65
Gabby ... you're y idol today :-) I am in the crapiest mood today and almost wrote a long venting rant and just haven't had the time to get to it. You MADE the time and I HOPE you feel better getting it all ... or as I was going to call mine.. flushing out the emotions (getting the crap out!). I went through a little sensitivity training with MH because he would speak of other women and say 'fat lazy #itch' and I would remind him not all fat women are lazy and he shouldn't categorize like that. It is unfortunate that we people with weight challenges wear our evidence in our extra large sleeves where an alcoholic, drug addict, etc., does not. Eventually people you don't see on a regular basis will notice the weight loss - much like we let ourselves inch up pound by pound .. it comes off the same way and may not be so noticeable to people who see you often. I can say that I too have experienced what you're going through. In my experience, it feels like 'GEEZUS, first I was the freak side show FAT lady and NOW I'm the FREAK side show THINNER lady who Lost WEIGHT and is THAT ALL I am .. FAT OR THIN? Does it not matter about the rest of what I am.. a good woman, wife, business owner, tax payer, cook...etc. You get the point. It's like being fat labels your whole life then losing weight labels it too and all you want.. or at least .. all *I* want is it NOT to be all people notice about me. Some days I just want to join the witness protection program and go somewhere where no one knew me 'before' and accepts me for what I am TODAY. I feel ya, kiddo. You're in my thoughts. 
04 Jan 13 by member: FullaBella
Funny story: after being married for maybe 15-20+ years, my hubby's grandmother made the comment, "that extra weight you put on makes you look better". I have to say "funny" because it was so ridiculous in her way of telling me I had gained weight. Kind of like she was saying "I'm going to insult you by paying you a compliment". I could put some cuss words in here but I won't..... 
04 Jan 13 by member: BeckyBaby65
The ladies have hit the nail on the head! Why can't conversations be about what makes us interesting or fun people and focus on personality traits or hobbies, or something that brings us meaning? Rather, we compare ourselves to others and stick to the externals. I think it may be because we have to invest time into KNOWING someone in order to actually say something meaningful about them. I love FS for that reason. We get to know each other without the outer shell being revealed. It is very nice. You are doing a great job of taking care of you and focusing on the important thing - you and your health. The "thinness" will come and I hope you gain confidence from learning to take care of yourself. It is a skill that will serve you well when you reach my age!  
04 Jan 13 by member: RiverRes
Thank you all for reading my rant. And yes, BeckyBaby65, I agree with you. It will feel good and some times it won't. But I must remember the "were" part. I definitely would have put in some cuss words, but that's just me. Haha. I do want to thank you all for encouragement along this journey I have chosen for the better. FullaBella I did feel much better saying it out loud instead of just keeping it up bottled inside. I couldn't have said it better myself. It is the sad truth that we cannot 'hide' our weight like an alcoholic, drug addict, etc. I am totally there with you on going somewhere where I am not known and just having people accept me for me. RiverRes, agreed why can't people just focus on our other good qualities we have besides our weight. It is very frustrating. I am so looking towards building up the confidence. Keeps me in check in this whole ordeal. Thank you all again! You are all awesome! Keep up the great work. You will be at your goal in no time! I am glad to have such great buddies as my support system. :D 
06 Jan 13 by member: gabbygabby

     
 

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