Discussion Topic: Other than attention from men, has anyone noticed a change in the way people treat

Good Morning All! I've been a heavy person my entire life. By age 16 I was 200+ lbs. When I got my first job it required manual labor and I dropped from a size 20+ to a 10. 10 years after that job all the weight has crept back. Aside from the male attention I began to draw when I was smaller, I noticed a difference in the way all people treated me.

I've always had a quirky and bubbly personality. Growing up I was seen as weird and treated as an outcast because of it. When I lost the weight though I wasn't seen as weird anymore, but was seen to be "cute and fun". Now that I've gained the weight back I've found that people just see me as weird again.

It breaks my heart honestly to know that I'm seen as weird simply because of my weight, which I was only able to loose to begin with because I did manual labor for 60 hours a week for 5 years, and I plateued at a size 10 after only a year. Being thin is not something that is natural for me and it's made my life miserable with how people treat me since I can't loose weight. Has anyone else noticed a difference in the way you're treated when you're larger vs. thinner?

For the most part, I was within a fairly normal/thin size range my whole life. My weight gain happened after I had my children. I didn't lose the baby weight, then added a little more on top of that.

Having experienced the corporate world as both a thin and heavier woman, I noticed some subtle differences in the way I'm treated professionally. I still carry myself the same way and have the same personality, but when I encounter people face to face they seem to respond to me differently. It's sort of facsinating, actually. If I were a social scientist, I could probably write a killer thesis about it.

Yes, absolutely. It is an unfortunate, but true fact that *alot* of people respond negatively to what they consider all sorts of physical "anomalies". When I was thinner I was able to meet more people who were open and accepting to me without even knowing me. Today, these same random folks are not so readily accepting. Studies and actual experiements have been done on this, and it is true that people are nicer to thinner, more attractive people. The key to counteract any resistance you may encounter is to be confident in yourself and above all else, do not let anyone affect your self esteem. I hope you remain confident, beautiful, and happy with who you are on the inside.

It is unfortunate, indeed. I have been a fitness professional all my life and for most of my life I was fit and trim, looking like my clients want to look like. Then medications and menopause hit me and I gained 35 pounds, which I could not get off for the life of me! My client base went down and I lost several classes I'd been teaching for years. Since I lost that weight (hit that goal this past January) I have been offered 2 classes and 3 clients suddenly want me to work with them again! I am, and always was, the same person. But, I did not look the part so I had no value to them.

Yeah, I know, my weight loss shows I lost 3 pounds...I typed in something wrong somewhere!

Congrats Yogin on reaching your goal!!

Yes, life's not fair, but this kind of thing's only a small part of the picture, unless you let it to be everything.

It's tough as hell to be the heaviest person in the gym, other people know that, but when you reach your goals other people will celebrate with you.

As my professor use to say, "If you like yourself other people might like you, if you don't like yourself no one will."

I've had a few gay men hit on me after I lost weight. Does that count?

I totally get you. As a Very Overweight girl, my eccentricities are just plain weird, but when I lost some weight, suddenly it was more Quirkiness, which is apparently attractive and interesting, rather than distasteful. People are A-Holes. It's a good way to gauge which friends are worthwhile.

...on a more serious note from me, I can definitely tell that people see me different. In my work I deal a lot with people one on one. I can clearly tell that they take my words more serious after I lost weight.

Yes. I feel I have gotten more opportunities and am taken more seriously in my career.

Sad but true.

Here's a thought. Maybe just a little different perspective. You think you haven't changed since you lost weight...maybe you're right...but maybe you HAVE. Aren't you happier now that you've lost that weight? Don't you feel better? Don't you hold your head just a little higher?
Now...don't you think that shows? You may think you're the same, and the changes may be subtle, but we humans are very perceptive, and yet, we are often unaware of the changes in our responses to people.

Oh, I have DEFINITELY changed.

There HAVE been loads of studies done on this by social scientists, cheerfulviolet. It is a plain fact that thin people are assumed to be more attractive, happier, more successful, well balanced, popular...on and on. Even when obese people are shown pictures of other overweight people, they judge them more harshly than they do thin people. It must be something innate in us. When children are shown pictures of other children who are obese and asked to ascribe personality characteristics to them, they overwhelmingly say the fat kids in the pictures are mean and they wouldn't want to be friends with them. Really sad.

In my opinion, its a split of others perceptions and our own... yes people perceive you differently as an overweight person, but as Baxie & Kingkeld said, losing weight will make you change for sure. I know I certainly don't act or feel the same as I did 45 pounds ago!! And I'd think it would be hard to find someone who isn't a little different after a transformation.

I'm still the same person but my confidence is totally transformed and I definitely can apply that to areas other than weight loss. And there are about a zillion studies about how self confidence can propel you forward and help you to be more sucessful in life.

To Jospry: This is actually very true. I literally just completed writing a paper on the subject.

To All: I agree it may be a combination of the way I'm treated vs. the way I perceive the way I'm treated based on my confidence level. However, I feel my situation is a little unique in the fact that I went to the same school since the 4th grade (it was a small, country K-12 Unit school) with a graduating class of 50 people, 40 of whom had gone to that school since Kindergarten. Therefore, I know all of these people intimately. I didn't really notice the change in the way they treated me when I first lost the weight. I noticed the male attention, but that was it. Now that I've gained the weight back, I've seen both sides of the spectrum and I definately see a difference in the way I'm treated. Just an additional note.

Thank you all for your discussion. It's very encouraging to know I'm not the only one facing this obstacle.

Of course. I believe it is not only from not looking the way I used to look, and the perceptions people have about obese individuals, but in that my own confidence level is more than it was when I was a lot larger.

And, I completely understand why. Even when I was my heaviest, over 300 pounds, not only was I disgusted by the way I looked, but honestly, I projected the same feelings to other large persons. So as an obese person whose feelings about others were influenced solely by their size/appearance, I have no doubts that "thinner" persons will likely feel the same.

I agree with many of the above, except that instead of labeling it as a sad discrimination, I would rather understand the why. Not all overweight, obese or chubby are treated differently and I also think like Baxie in that it may boil down to our self confidence. The way we carry ourselves, speak and even stare at another person changes (usually) by how we feel in our body. Along with it, I also believe that weight problems can be (sometimes rightly) perceived as a sign of weakness... as in "if you can not control an apparently significant problem with yourself, how can you be relied on on other matters?"

That said, i have known many 'large' folks with unbelievable self confidence, really (not acting) happy with themselves, powerful and strong personalities who never seem to get any different treatment. One thing I noticed about them though, that they are always taking really good care of their looks.. I mean a chubby bottom in a pair of sweatpants says very different things than one in tailored (even if not designer) stylish outfit, appropriate for the size and typically accompanied with good hair and make up -same for guys.
Thoughts?

It is true that we are judged by our looks, of course. People may say it's unfair, but it's a fact. There have even been studies conducted in airports where people were sent in to the customer service desk dressed two different ways: as a sloppy tourist and as a polished, suit wearing business traveler (same person, two different times). They were told to approach the desk and engage the rep in exactly the same way with a problem that needed to be solved. Big surprise, when they were dressed as business travelers they were treated with more respect, given lots of perks, and people bent over backward to accommodate them. As sloppy tourists--not so much.

I've never really had confidence issues at this heavier weight. Perhaps because I was thin most of my life and only gained weight after having my kids. Right or wrong, there was always something external and explainable to "blame" for the weight gain, so I didn't necessarily internalize it where it would affect my confidence. Silly, I know, but I still have my "skinny brain" in my heavier body...which is probably why it took so long for it to dawn on me that I was gaining weight. LOL

At work, I often deal with people on the phone and via e-mail for many months prior to ever meeting them in person, which I think is where I notice the subtle differences that I mentioned above. It doesn't "bother" me per se...I just find it interesting.

Truthfully, I've probably done the same thing to other people in the past, even if I didn't realize it. Guess that's the one good thing about this journey of gaining weight, and now losing it. I will (hopefully) be more self-aware in the way that I view other people that I encounter.