Fatorexia: I'm not that fat...

Has anyone else every not realized how big you really got? I did! I knew I had gotten chubby, but when I'd see actual photographs of myself, I thought the camera surely added 30-50lbs.

I was working at a social service agency and someone called the receptionist and asked to speak to me. She referred to me as "the heavy set-lady." I freaked out! I still was in denial. I thought that that person must have been nuts. I was just a little thick, not heavy-set!

My denial slowed down my weight-check. I didn't really put my weight into check for a while. I still think it's weird that people think of me as a fat lady. I really wouldn't mind so much if people didn't make it sound so horrible to be fat!

Then, there were people who were always commenting on my weight, even when I wasn't even worried about it. "Oh, have you lost weight?" "Oh, how's your dieting coming along?" What? Why? Am I too fat for you to look at?

Blegh.

My 8 year old soon looks like me. He hopes to grow up looking like me, but not quite so fat.

Yeah, I still have no real clue what I look like. Thick, but certainly not fat, is my perception.

I still remember the first time I told my boyfriend my starting weight, "Honey, I weigh almost 290 pounds." And he wasn't surprised. I thought, surely I don't LOOK like I weigh almost 300... I mean, yeah, I was big, wearing size 24, only shopping at The Avenue and Lane Bryant... but I'm not that big, right?? Wake up call for sure. Denial is a powerful thing. Now I think "How could I have gotten to a size 24 and not done something about it sooner?" Yes, I WAS indeed "The Big Girl" in the room, even though I thought somehow other people didn't know... Very weird the mind games we can play with ourselves.

Only one solution! Lose the weight. Problem solved

I struggle with this too. I think it is good to have a health self image, but at the same time have a bit of realism too.

I use to watch Biggest Loser and think, well at least my weight is lower than theirs or if someone did get to me weight I would think "wow, they are looking good". My big realization came when discovered just how different 200lbs looks on someone who is 5' 7" than on my 5'0" frame HUGE difference!!!! Pun intended.

It is when you see pictures of yourself and think who is that fat old woman.... In the end you avoid the camera.
It is now time to DO something about it.... I always FEEL better when exercising and thinking about what goes in my body and can keep to it, if I do it regularly. My downfall is when I have a break from my routine eg go on hols. Although i don't pig out and do make an effort to be active when on hols i find it so difficult when I come home to get back to the routine of exercising and calorie counting......... Must make sure next time I don't slip back and undo all the good I am doing.... Yo yo dieting is worse for your health than doing nothing.
Here's to long term weight loss

I have a pretty arched back and large shoulders.. So no matter if im 225 lbs or 170 lbs clothes look the same on me unless I buy relatively tight ones that go with the curvature in my back. It was tough trying to decide whether or not I even needed to lose weight considering everyone always said things like "you don't need to lose weight" or "you look fine". When these people would see me at the YMCA pool hanging with my daughter or what not, boy oh boy did they look surprised at how chunky I really was. Needless to say, I have nothing but medium tight fitting shirts now so people know that it is no longer an illusion.

My silent obsession was checking other women out! (I know, just wrong, isn't it!) ... but seriously, everywhere I went I would find myself looking at other women - she's definitely bigger than me... her thighs are worse than mine... I don't have quite the same 'rolls' as she does... why doesn't someone tell these women what they look like?

OH MY - I was awful!

Then one unsuspecting day, I was in a dressing room - and after trying to pull on pants toooo small and feeling totally depressed - I looked up and staring back at me in the mirror...was my fat sister. (no worries, she knows she's fat. and no, I don't think she would be offended by me telling all of you.)

The facial features, the eyes, ... the round face, the double chin... it was all there...

that was a life changing moment for me, one I will never forget!

and I have completely stopped myself from judging other women, ever since!!!

I'm only just starting to recognize the person in the mirror - I was also a size 24/26, now fitting into size 16 (just), but still have a way to go to get to a perfect size 12 that I want to be. Keep going, keep strong......

~raises my hand~ I am so guilty of the "I am not as big as that person."

I am also guilty of what Paula explained above, I was terrible at silently comparing myself to other women and asking myself why their loved ones don't say anything to them. One day I saw pictures of myself from my summer vacation and went "OMFG... why didn't MY loved ones say something to ME???"

that was the moment that I realized I was just as big, if not bigger than some of the women I was silently judging.

Pixi - how did we get through this world being such morons! LOL!!!

Seriously, I feel bad about how I used to behave. But I know in my heart now, it really has changed. I am nothing like what I was like...then.

So to all the women in my world... I'm sorry!

ooh, I do that thing with other woman, too. It gets worse. Sometimes I will say to my husband (poor fella) "am I that big??"

I still find myself thinking that I am skinnier and prettier than I actually am. The other day I went to check out an iPad 2. When I checked out the front facing camera I got a huge shock at my makeupless, eyebrows-need-a-wax-bad face. On top of that, every time I go to the gym I get unpleasantly surprised in the floor to ceiling mirror. Despite all the muscle I've put on, I still have all of this stomach. No one else in my Zumba class looks like me and I get embarrassed about it.

Sooki - LOL!!! (poor guy!) I do it too! well, I used to!

Wow I've had similar experiences as well. I didn't realize how big I got until I saw a picture of myself. I felt okay about my body, but with a bunch of size 0-5 friends I am clearly the fat one wearing size 14. I'm sticking to my calorie count as best as I can, however I've been slacking off this past week and I haven't been working out. After reading this post you all have inspired me to keep at it. I'm not as alone in this as I thought I was.

When I see bigger women now, I want to go up to them and say "I used to be your size or bigger! You can change it!" But I don't. I know that realization has to come from within. I was also guilty, especially on shows like TBL where you know the weight of the person and you think "I weigh that much, but surely I don't look THAT big."

Kate...never, never do that. Like, never.

Let me also raise my hand to checking out and judging other women. And if they were with someone, I'd wonder how they got so lucky and what does that person see in them.

Now I look for someone with my body type who is smaller, so I can get an idea of what I will look like then.

I also have a curve in the base of my spine which is why I have always bought tight clothes. Loose clothes don't show people the area between what they think is my back and where my back actually is.

I wouldn't. But I can't stop myself from thinking it- especially at the gym.

Paula, I would really like to know.. I have learned to stop judging myself and others - it has been hard but I figure everyone has a breaking point and who knows... the girl that may be bigger than me could have been bigger at one point... or maybe she just started trying to be healthier right???

I get to looking at old pictures of me and realize how much bigger i was! I always said that I looked decent at 200 bc I could never get below it... Now that i am it's insane how deluded I was to justify laziness and my lack of desire to change. Even my friends say they don't remember me looking "that big" bc I always "wore it well"... I tend to carry a lot of bulk in my ass and thighs.. but yeah.. I fear that bc I didn't notice it so mug before I have to take extra precaution to never get there again! And yes... All the comparison stuff I've done.