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Not technically a diet question - husband troubles
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Joined: Aug 09
Posted: 12 Aug 2009, 20:52
You have recieved some great advice here. But the end result will be what you decide. Counciling, praying, and/or just a good talk with him to see where you stand at this moment are all good directions.
But, in the end, work on this issue now. Its good that you started the process of finances and all...but the most important issue is where your relationship is going to go.
From my own experience (and a 15 year marriage) I was so relieved after the discussion. I divorced my X and was so relieved. Some relationships are not meant to be saved.
Follow your heart...but don't keep waiting. If you can fix your marriage then that is beautiful, however; if you cannot, then make the move now. Don't waste another minute of your life because life is too precious.
Whatever your decision...know that I will say a prayer for you!
Joined: Aug 09
Posted: 12 Aug 2009, 21:50
Whether he goes or not, it would be really good to meet with a counselor for yourself. They can help you put things in perspective. If he is being verbally abusive and disrespectful to you that's a terrible example for the kids to see and live under.
Wish I could send you a giant hug!!!!
Joined: Mar 09
Posted: 02 Sep 2009, 20:43
Abba you are a brave woman to post this. You know in your heart what you have to do and I support you in the decision you are making. Divorice is hard no matter what the reason and you will get through this. At this point you have to think about yourself and your happiness. You and your children will survive this. I have read the comment about divorice and children but your children seeing you being treated like that is also sending them a message so follow your heart.
Joined: May 07
Posted: 02 Sep 2009, 21:44
Short update: we are going to counseling to get a divorce that is fair and monitored so we don't hurt each other more than necessary to get this over with.
I'm so sorry to hear that abba.
"I will work in my own way, according to the light that is in me." - Lydia Maria Child
Joined: Aug 09
Posted: 08 Sep 2009, 15:45
I think it's great that you are going to counseling to get a fair divorce. I have heard of others who find they can be friends after a divorce and that's really best for the children too.
Joined: Sep 09
Posted: 08 Sep 2009, 21:33
My prayers are with you, I saw a lot of "us" in your initial post, we still have one teenager left at home, but I know if something isn't done now, we could actually be at that point and it might not be as aminable as how you two are working it out. I hope you continue to find "you," and build the strength that you have. I hope nothing but the best for you.
I can do all things throught Christ, who strenthens me.
Joined: Jan 09
Posted: 08 Sep 2009, 21:54
Abba, I had no idea until now this was going on in your life. I am so sorry, this has to be very hard for you. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I commend you both for the counseling you are going through to keep the divorce as civil as possible. Bitterness and anger is good for nothing. I hope when it is all over, the two of you can somehow come to a place of friendship. That is not easy but possible. I speak from experience. ((hugs))
The way you think determines the way you feel, and the way you feel influences the way you act.
Joined: Jul 08
Posted: 08 Sep 2009, 22:16
You are very brave to open yourself up to counsel from anyone and everyone! It sounds like you must have been nearer the end than it seemed at the beginning (I just read the whole thread now)--because a month ago it didn't seem you were thinking divorce. I'm not married and never have been (at 44), so I'll try to keep my opinions limited, but what I wondered as I started was whether it's a first marriage for both of you. And whether your husband should be thinking "it will be better next time"...because all I hear and read is that the second marriage is even more likely to break up, and the third more likely yet, etc. Someone I know recently quoted a friend who said that if he'd known the second marriage would be so hard, he would have just stuck it out in the first. That was very painful for the children of the first marriage to hear...because it affects children (of any age--even adults) enormously. The people who "stay together for the sake of the kids" are often (not always, of course) doing the most loving thing possible, as the adult child of divorce who wrote to you above implied. Research has been done (I forget the author but she followed children of divorce for 20-30 years or maybe more--I heard her on the radio) and it proves that even an "unhappy" marriage is better for the children in the long run than divorce. I don't happen to know many children of divorce (in my immediate circle of friends) but the one I do know won't even let someone say the word "divorce." She says "I hate that word." Well, I will send up a prayer for you and I hope God will have a chance to be part of this situation...as others have mentioned already! =) Oh...I just tried looking at Amazon and the study I mentioned is probably in the second book in this list:
Joined: Sep 09
Posted: 09 Sep 2009, 00:36
Old saying my Mom and Pop use, tell him to "s##t or get off the pot".
Honestly hon, I would pack his bags and put them on the step. Seems like he has already made his choice. You are a better woman than me. I would have told him, "See ya'!" when he made his comment.
You DESERVE much better!!
Joined: May 09
Posted: 09 Sep 2009, 20:18
come on! is this what marriage has come too!? when you get tired of your spouse kick them by the curb and go for another? of course not! try reminding him that when you made your vows you said "for better or for worse" not "until i get tired of you then i can leave." im sure you can spark up the romance again and even more when the "baby" is gone. please try to work things out, if you truly love each other it is worth it. also, if you are part of a religion, try speaking to the priest or minister in your parish. hope all works out and best wishes to your marriage!
Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.
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